A moment of weakness

Apparently my entry yesterday created quite a stir. I certainly didn't mean for it to, nor did I expect anyone to even read it. To those who did and took offense to it, I'm sorry. What you need to understand about me is that I have incredibly low self-esteem, and perceive any little thing that could be considered a "dig" at me to be a major one. And yes, what I put in my blog yesterday wasn't put the best way it could have been, but I had a moment of weakness and didn't censor myself like I almost always do. And let's face it. There isn't one person alive that hasn't stuck one's foot in one's mouth at one point or another and said something that could hurt someone else. It's just a fact of life, because we're human and we can't censor ourselves during every waking moment. It just doesn't work that way.

With that being said, I think it's an extremely good thing that I'm moving out at some point during the summer. I don't know why I was so silly and thought that I could live with people again, after having spent four years living in either single dorm rooms or single apartments. Part of me wanted this to work out, because I was getting tired of being by myself. However, after that long a time period, it's no wonder that I sort of got stuck in my ways, or something to that effect. I got used to being alone, and didn't really know how to interact with people on a constant basis. I've definitely learned a valuable lesson here. Moving in with friends doesn't seem to be a good idea because it puts an added strain on the relationship.

I also realize that I'm partially to blame for my situation. I could have spent more time chatting with my roommates. Yet I really don't think that would have changed anything in the long run. Maybe it would have. Who knows? I can't go back and change the past. (Although with some of the things in my life, I would REALLY like to.) Things could have been changed on everyone's part, really, but there's no going back to where things went wrong.

So, what have I learned from all of this? My lack of self-confidence is partially to blame for my feelings of being ignored. Not completely, mind you, but partially. I accept blame when it's rightfully deserved. I could go and chat with my roommates more often. I don't know if I would feel any less ignored that way. It's possible, but things would have to change on everyone's part. I've also learned that this blog can be quite useful in bringing things out that needed to come out, whether I thought they would come out or not. And also, that therapy can make you see things in a new light.

Anyway, today is a nice day. Unfortunately, I had to get to campus early, so I had to dress for what the weather was this morning, and not what it was going to be, so walking around this afternoon was a bit unpleasant with jeans on. It is nice to be able to walk around without a jacket and not be chilly. Seeing the sun is also a wonderful thing, especially in this town.

Well, I guess that is enough rambling. I should get some stuff done this afternoon, so I can have an enjoyable evening. I haven't quite decided whether or not I'm going to go play poker tonight with some people in the meteo department. I'm leaning towards doing it, but it all depends on how I feel later on today. So I'm off to do something more productive than this. At least, hopefully I am.