Tuesday, October 25, 2005
I Wish I Had a Camera...
I usually don't write any posts while I'm at work, but I had to today. Let the record show that today, October 25, 2005, brought State College it's first snowfall of the season. This is the kind of weather I'm used to, having snow before Halloween, being from Wisconsin and all. OK, that's all. I better get back to doing something slightly more productive than this.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Small Update
OK, I know I don't typically post more than once a day, nor more than once an hour, but I had to make an update. I've decided to turn on word verification for comments because just a minute after I posted my last entry, I got a spam comment. Grrrrr. So, for those of you that may comment, it's just a little annoyance for you, but I'd rather have real people comment on my blog.
That's definitely my last gripe for the night. Yeah, I lied in my last entry, but things come up. But, I'm definitely done now, and I'm stepping off the soap box.
That's definitely my last gripe for the night. Yeah, I lied in my last entry, but things come up. But, I'm definitely done now, and I'm stepping off the soap box.
A Minor Improvement
It's been a while since I last posted, mainly because I wanted to wait until I was at least partially out of the major funk I've been in for the past two weeks. Now, I feel like I've risen a bit, emotion-wise. It's a nice feeling to not feel a sense of doom and gloom, and to have some moments of lightness. That is something I've really some to cherish lately.
Part of the reason I think the funk is lifting is that the drugs I'm on from the doctor are finally kicking in. I'm on a muscle relaxant which I take at the onset of a headache and a small dose of an anti-depressant that is also used for tension/migraine headaches. For a while there, I was never sure when to take the muscle relaxant because there was really no "offset" of the headache, and thus there was no onset either. It was just a constant thing. Now, it's finally become a little transient. Either it completely goes away for short periods of time, or it lessens enough so that I can actually feel like not just having my head down all the time.
Another part of the reason I'm feeling a little better is that I'm going to a psychiatrist as well as a therapist. Actually, I haven't started seeing the psychiatrist yet. I don't get to see him until the beginning of November, which is the earliest opening any of the doctors I've called has had. One of them didn't have an opening until next year. Apparently, a lot of people, myself included, need shrinking in State College. So, hopefully once I've found the right anti-depressant, I'll feel even better. This is unusual for me to be optimistic. It's kind of a nice feeling.
The final part of why I think I'm feeling a bit better is that I wrote to my long-time pen pal with basically a novella of why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling. I think it helped to get some stuff off my chest. And, nice that he is, he wrote back to me fairly soon after I sent him the email. It was really great to be able to share everything with someone, even if it wasn't "in person." And he shared back, which was great too. I've yet to write back to him, because I haven't really had the time to write another long-winded email. But I will at some point. That's a promise.
So, anyway, things are slowly looking up for me, which is a good thing after the past couple of weeks, believe me.
Now on Friday, I get to go see an ophthalmologist (an incredibly hard word to spell). The good part of that is that I don't have to be in the office that day. The bad part is just going. The eye doctor has never really been one of my favorite things in the world. The worst part of an eye exam is the puff test for glaucoma. I don't know what sadist came up with that test. I'm just not a big fan of that. And all the drops that get put in my eyes are annoying too. I'm not really good with eye drops at all, but if the person does it right it's not so bad. Anyway, the reason I'm going there is that I have this brown spot on my retina that the optometrist I originally went to wants to get checked out just to make sure it's nothing bad. This means my eyes get dilated, which is so much fun. That means that I should really get someone to drive me to Altoona, but I think that may be hard because most people aren't completely free on Fridays like I am. So, I'll probably end up driving myself. Luckily, though, my friend from undergrad, Ingrid, is coming up to visit me this weekend, so she's going to meet me in Altoona and kill time with me until my eyes are good enough to drive back here. If I can find someone who is free on Friday and doesn't mind just driving me down and going back, that would be great. Then when Ingrid gets there, she can just drive me back to State College. I don't think it's going to work out, and it's not really a big deal either.
On another note, I've finally officially submitted my abstract to the Ocean Science meeting in February 2006. If it gets accepted, I'll be going to Hawaii four months from tomorrow! Writing the abstract was quite difficult, because I don't know exactly how far I'll get with my research at that point. I hope I left it vague enough to cover all my bases. And I really hope it gets accepted to the meeting. It would be so cool to go to Hawaii in February. My advisor even encouraged me to stay there the whole week of the meeting, even if I don't attend sessions every day. It is a rather big trip, so it doesn't pay to rush back. Plus, I'll want to do some sightseeing. Hell, I may not want to come back after experiencing temperatures like that.
Another thing of note. Three weeks from today I turn 26. I always enjoy my birthday. I'm not sure what I'm going to do to celebrate this year. The past couple of years, I've invited people over for dinner, but most of my friends that I usually invited are either gone or I never see them anymore even if they are here. So, we'll see. That's something more I have to think about.
That same day is the next new episode of Lost. I'm not sure why they are taking a couple weeks off from it, but the next new episode should be really good. One of the castaways will die. And since I've become such a spoiler addict, I already know who it is. But I won't say here in case anyone that reads this blog wants to be spoiler free. I also know that the person that dies is killed by another of the castaways. So, it should be an exciting episode. And on my birthday, no less.
Speaking of TV, I have to gripe about one of the shows I watch. Last night on Supernatural, they had an episode dealing with a shapeshifter. Now, usually, I look forward to shapeshifter stories in any form, because it's such an intriguing concept. Imagine being able to be anyone you wanted to be. Doesn't that sound cool? But, I digress. So, I was looking forward to this episode of Supernatural. However, after it, I was left a little disappointed. Some plot points were really stupid. For example, (I'm sorry for those of you that don't watch the show, but I have to gripe) after Sam and Dean figured out that a shapeshifter was assuming forms of people in town and killing their loved ones, they go chasing after it. That's fine. So, the find its lair and discover it there. It goes running off faster than they can get out of its sewer lair. I'm also fine with that. However, once they get out of the sewer, they decide to split up. This is where I'm having a major problem with the plot. First of all, they're chasing a shapeshifter, so splitting up is kind of dumb when the thing they're chasing can look like either one of them and they wouldn't know it. Second, they've been asking us to believe for the run of the series so far that Sam and Dean have had loads of experience with The Things That Go Bump In The Night. So, you'd think that they should know better than this, wouldn't you? That was the main thing I didn't like about the episode, which pretty much ruined it for me. A more minor thing came at the end of the episode. Sam trapped by the shapeshifter in Dean's form. Then of course, Dean comes in and shoots it with a silver bullet and it dies. It would have been more climatic, for me, if the shapeshifter had taken Sam's form so Dean wouldn't know right away who to kill. But, I'm not the writer. I could have done a better job with the plot, though. Just my opinion.
Still on the subject of TV, I've recently discovered that Night Stalker may be on the chopping block. I'm really saddened by that, because it's such a good show. I typically haven't been a huge fan of the spooky type movies, but this show has sort of changed my mind. It's really creepy, but not so much in a gory way. It's more of a psychological creepy. And every week it's getting better. This is why I'm a little disappointed that it could be canceled. Still, in a way, it's not all that surprising. The brilliant people at ABC decide to put it in the same time slot as CSI. If that's not a way to kill a show, I don't know what is. I don't know what time slot they'd have open for it otherwise, but that's not a time slot to put a new show in. Of course, ABC doesn't really have any well-established shows. It does have quite a few new-ish shows that are really popular (all of which I watch), but I don't even think any of those would have a chance in hell against CSI. It will disappoint me if Night Stalker does get canceled. But, there's really nothing I can do about that.
Well, I suppose I should get going for now. It's after 11 now, and I'm getting sleepy. And I've gotten my gripes out for the time being. It's nice to have the energy to gripe about unimportant things. It's definitely a sign I'm out of my major funk, which is most definitely a good thing. And it's a good note to end on, so there you have it.
Part of the reason I think the funk is lifting is that the drugs I'm on from the doctor are finally kicking in. I'm on a muscle relaxant which I take at the onset of a headache and a small dose of an anti-depressant that is also used for tension/migraine headaches. For a while there, I was never sure when to take the muscle relaxant because there was really no "offset" of the headache, and thus there was no onset either. It was just a constant thing. Now, it's finally become a little transient. Either it completely goes away for short periods of time, or it lessens enough so that I can actually feel like not just having my head down all the time.
Another part of the reason I'm feeling a little better is that I'm going to a psychiatrist as well as a therapist. Actually, I haven't started seeing the psychiatrist yet. I don't get to see him until the beginning of November, which is the earliest opening any of the doctors I've called has had. One of them didn't have an opening until next year. Apparently, a lot of people, myself included, need shrinking in State College. So, hopefully once I've found the right anti-depressant, I'll feel even better. This is unusual for me to be optimistic. It's kind of a nice feeling.
The final part of why I think I'm feeling a bit better is that I wrote to my long-time pen pal with basically a novella of why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling. I think it helped to get some stuff off my chest. And, nice that he is, he wrote back to me fairly soon after I sent him the email. It was really great to be able to share everything with someone, even if it wasn't "in person." And he shared back, which was great too. I've yet to write back to him, because I haven't really had the time to write another long-winded email. But I will at some point. That's a promise.
So, anyway, things are slowly looking up for me, which is a good thing after the past couple of weeks, believe me.
Now on Friday, I get to go see an ophthalmologist (an incredibly hard word to spell). The good part of that is that I don't have to be in the office that day. The bad part is just going. The eye doctor has never really been one of my favorite things in the world. The worst part of an eye exam is the puff test for glaucoma. I don't know what sadist came up with that test. I'm just not a big fan of that. And all the drops that get put in my eyes are annoying too. I'm not really good with eye drops at all, but if the person does it right it's not so bad. Anyway, the reason I'm going there is that I have this brown spot on my retina that the optometrist I originally went to wants to get checked out just to make sure it's nothing bad. This means my eyes get dilated, which is so much fun. That means that I should really get someone to drive me to Altoona, but I think that may be hard because most people aren't completely free on Fridays like I am. So, I'll probably end up driving myself. Luckily, though, my friend from undergrad, Ingrid, is coming up to visit me this weekend, so she's going to meet me in Altoona and kill time with me until my eyes are good enough to drive back here. If I can find someone who is free on Friday and doesn't mind just driving me down and going back, that would be great. Then when Ingrid gets there, she can just drive me back to State College. I don't think it's going to work out, and it's not really a big deal either.
On another note, I've finally officially submitted my abstract to the Ocean Science meeting in February 2006. If it gets accepted, I'll be going to Hawaii four months from tomorrow! Writing the abstract was quite difficult, because I don't know exactly how far I'll get with my research at that point. I hope I left it vague enough to cover all my bases. And I really hope it gets accepted to the meeting. It would be so cool to go to Hawaii in February. My advisor even encouraged me to stay there the whole week of the meeting, even if I don't attend sessions every day. It is a rather big trip, so it doesn't pay to rush back. Plus, I'll want to do some sightseeing. Hell, I may not want to come back after experiencing temperatures like that.
Another thing of note. Three weeks from today I turn 26. I always enjoy my birthday. I'm not sure what I'm going to do to celebrate this year. The past couple of years, I've invited people over for dinner, but most of my friends that I usually invited are either gone or I never see them anymore even if they are here. So, we'll see. That's something more I have to think about.
That same day is the next new episode of Lost. I'm not sure why they are taking a couple weeks off from it, but the next new episode should be really good. One of the castaways will die. And since I've become such a spoiler addict, I already know who it is. But I won't say here in case anyone that reads this blog wants to be spoiler free. I also know that the person that dies is killed by another of the castaways. So, it should be an exciting episode. And on my birthday, no less.
Speaking of TV, I have to gripe about one of the shows I watch. Last night on Supernatural, they had an episode dealing with a shapeshifter. Now, usually, I look forward to shapeshifter stories in any form, because it's such an intriguing concept. Imagine being able to be anyone you wanted to be. Doesn't that sound cool? But, I digress. So, I was looking forward to this episode of Supernatural. However, after it, I was left a little disappointed. Some plot points were really stupid. For example, (I'm sorry for those of you that don't watch the show, but I have to gripe) after Sam and Dean figured out that a shapeshifter was assuming forms of people in town and killing their loved ones, they go chasing after it. That's fine. So, the find its lair and discover it there. It goes running off faster than they can get out of its sewer lair. I'm also fine with that. However, once they get out of the sewer, they decide to split up. This is where I'm having a major problem with the plot. First of all, they're chasing a shapeshifter, so splitting up is kind of dumb when the thing they're chasing can look like either one of them and they wouldn't know it. Second, they've been asking us to believe for the run of the series so far that Sam and Dean have had loads of experience with The Things That Go Bump In The Night. So, you'd think that they should know better than this, wouldn't you? That was the main thing I didn't like about the episode, which pretty much ruined it for me. A more minor thing came at the end of the episode. Sam trapped by the shapeshifter in Dean's form. Then of course, Dean comes in and shoots it with a silver bullet and it dies. It would have been more climatic, for me, if the shapeshifter had taken Sam's form so Dean wouldn't know right away who to kill. But, I'm not the writer. I could have done a better job with the plot, though. Just my opinion.
Still on the subject of TV, I've recently discovered that Night Stalker may be on the chopping block. I'm really saddened by that, because it's such a good show. I typically haven't been a huge fan of the spooky type movies, but this show has sort of changed my mind. It's really creepy, but not so much in a gory way. It's more of a psychological creepy. And every week it's getting better. This is why I'm a little disappointed that it could be canceled. Still, in a way, it's not all that surprising. The brilliant people at ABC decide to put it in the same time slot as CSI. If that's not a way to kill a show, I don't know what is. I don't know what time slot they'd have open for it otherwise, but that's not a time slot to put a new show in. Of course, ABC doesn't really have any well-established shows. It does have quite a few new-ish shows that are really popular (all of which I watch), but I don't even think any of those would have a chance in hell against CSI. It will disappoint me if Night Stalker does get canceled. But, there's really nothing I can do about that.
Well, I suppose I should get going for now. It's after 11 now, and I'm getting sleepy. And I've gotten my gripes out for the time being. It's nice to have the energy to gripe about unimportant things. It's definitely a sign I'm out of my major funk, which is most definitely a good thing. And it's a good note to end on, so there you have it.
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Untitled entry
There was no poker tonight, so since I have a little time, I decided to write an entry in here. I don't exactly have a plan on what to put in this entry this time, so I'm just winging it.
I've been in one of my more down periods lately, especially this week. All week I've had the hardest time even wanting to get out of bed in the morning. I'm not sure if it's because I haven't been sleeping well or what. It doesn't help that I have had this damn tension headache for ages now. I think it might be affecting my sleep in some way that I can't quite understand. The only time my head feels somewhat good is when I'm sleeping. But maybe it's just because I'm unconscious and don't notice it as much. I just don't know. I'm going back to the doctor on Friday to see what he says now. I'm really not sure if anything more can be done. I'm just petrified that it's something more than just a tension headache. But we'll see what happens.
Therapy today was interesting. I've been mentioning the constant headaches to Kim for the past several sessions now, and she brought up the idea of seeing a psychiatrist and getting me on some meds. When I first started therapy, I wasn't sure that would be such a great idea. OK, that's not exactly true. I didn't think I needed to be on medication when I first started therapy. But now, my opinion has changed a bit. I figure that all it can do is help. I'm ready to do just about anything to make myself feel better both physically and mentally. With the candidacy exam still looming over me and keeping up with research and classes on the school side, to working through my own personal demons from the past in therapy, lots of thing are ganging up on me, which is probably why I'm so tense and get these headaches.
Besides that, nothing is new in my life. I get up, go to campus, attempt to do something productive, come home, eat, relax, and go to bed. Such an exciting life I have, don't I? And I guess that's it for this entry. Not much to it this time, but that's because I'm a little sleepy, and I can't think of anything more to write.
I've been in one of my more down periods lately, especially this week. All week I've had the hardest time even wanting to get out of bed in the morning. I'm not sure if it's because I haven't been sleeping well or what. It doesn't help that I have had this damn tension headache for ages now. I think it might be affecting my sleep in some way that I can't quite understand. The only time my head feels somewhat good is when I'm sleeping. But maybe it's just because I'm unconscious and don't notice it as much. I just don't know. I'm going back to the doctor on Friday to see what he says now. I'm really not sure if anything more can be done. I'm just petrified that it's something more than just a tension headache. But we'll see what happens.
Therapy today was interesting. I've been mentioning the constant headaches to Kim for the past several sessions now, and she brought up the idea of seeing a psychiatrist and getting me on some meds. When I first started therapy, I wasn't sure that would be such a great idea. OK, that's not exactly true. I didn't think I needed to be on medication when I first started therapy. But now, my opinion has changed a bit. I figure that all it can do is help. I'm ready to do just about anything to make myself feel better both physically and mentally. With the candidacy exam still looming over me and keeping up with research and classes on the school side, to working through my own personal demons from the past in therapy, lots of thing are ganging up on me, which is probably why I'm so tense and get these headaches.
Besides that, nothing is new in my life. I get up, go to campus, attempt to do something productive, come home, eat, relax, and go to bed. Such an exciting life I have, don't I? And I guess that's it for this entry. Not much to it this time, but that's because I'm a little sleepy, and I can't think of anything more to write.
Sunday, September 25, 2005
Statistic: 1 in 6 comment-writers will be a human
Since I have some time today and I'm feeling incredibly unmotivated to do much of anything, I decided to post another entry. I know, it's a miracle that I'm posting more than once in a week! I can't believe it either.
Yesterday I had my eye exam at LensCrafters in Altoona. Since I've been having these persistent headaches, I figured it wouldn't be such a bad idea to get my eyes checked. Plus, it may help me figure out why I've been having these headaches constantly for over two weeks now. It turns out that my prescription changed by the tiniest of margins, and the optometrist said that it probably wouldn't be very useful to change my lenses. She also wants me to see an ophthalmologist because I have a brown spot on my retina that's been there at least since two years ago (the last time I visited the eye doctor). It hasn't grown at all, so that's good news. But she just wants to have it rechecked just to be sure that isn't the cause of my headaches. I don't think it is if it's been there for such a long time and my headaches just started, but I guess it won't hurt to have it checked. I just hope I can find someone that takes my insurance, because that appointment is going to be expensive.
While I was in Altoona yesterday I met up with Ingrid. It's always fun to see her and chat. I'm actually surprised that I've kept up a friendship with her all these years since I met her my sophomore year of undergrad. I usually can't keep friendships going for that long because people move away. I'm glad we keep in touch though. We have lots in common, too, from watching the same tv shows to having similar political ideologies. So, we usually have lots to chat about. We spent a bit of time chatting about the shows we watch, since it's the month of premieres. We also talked a bit about politics; most of the time was spent Bush bashing, mainly because that seems to be so easy to do. All in all, it was a very nice visit.
I also went to see a movie with her yesterday, since that seems to be a tradition for us. We saw Just Like Heaven. Yeah, I know it's a chick flick, but most people that know me should know that I'm a softy. It was actually a lot funnier than I thought it was going to be. I was literally laughing out loud for a good chunk of the movie. I'd definitely recommend it.
During the half hour of previews and commercials before the movie (OK, I might be exaggerating by just a little, but I don't think it can be by that much) there was a commercial for Lost. That was one commercial I didn't mind. And I think that show would be amazing to see on the big screen. It's already impressive just on TV, but to be able to see it larger than life would be so cool. The surround sound would be great too. The only other thing that I saw in the pre-show entertainment is a movie with Uma Thurman and Meryl Streep that looks quite funny. I can't remember what the name of the movie is, but it looks like it has a good premise. I'd be tempted to see that one, if I remembered its name when it comes out.
At the doctor's appointment on Friday, the cause of my headaches could still not be determined exactly. He still thinks it's a tension headache, which really isn't all that surprising. So, now I'm on a muscle relaxant and a small dosage of an anti-depressant to see if that doesn't get rid of the headaches. The muscle relaxant seems to be sort of working. I don't notice the headache as often anymore. So, hopefully this will continue.
Last week there was the career fair at the Bryce Jordan Center. It's a nice thing to have available to the general student population, but it got kind of annoying. This was mainly because in order to get a decent parking spot, one would either have to get to the BJC before 9am (which I really have trouble with) or drive around for ten minutes waiting for a spot to open up. So, I'd usually have to park pretty far from where I'd like. It really didn't help on Wednesday because they close off one entire line of parking spots for the quarterback club, or something else equally annoying. That day was especially hard to find a decent spot.
The one nice thing about Career Fair last week is that there were plenty of people all dressed up walking around. I always find that people in general are very attractive when they're dressed up. Even people I wouldn't necessarily find attractive in ordinary circumstance tend to become more attractive to me when they are dressed up. In my opinion, there's nothing hotter than a well-dressed man. And there were plenty around campus last week to turn my head. And Thursday most of the ROTC students were in dress uniforms, which is also somewhat of a turn-on, for the same reason as being in a suit and tie. It's the same type of look.
Speaking of ROTC, the Marine Corps ROTC was having a car wash at the McDonald's on North Atherton today, and believe me, I was incredibly tempted to go and have my car washed by them. However, common sense took over in me, because it's supposed to rain tomorrow and Tuesday. I figured it would be a waste of a car wash if I had it done today. Plus, I was getting really hungry after I got done grocery shopping, so I needed to get home.
At some point I really need to get motivation to do stuff while I'm at home besides watching tv and playing on the internet. I do have to start studying for the candidacy exam, and I'd like to do some work at home every once in a while. I just can't seem to find the motivation. I have a feeling I know why that is, and I've covered it in therapy, but it's too long a description to go through in this entry. Perhaps in a future entry I'll go into more detail about it. A small part of my lack of motivation is the constant headache I have. It's hard to focus on anything when you're in pain.
Well, I guess that's it for now. Tonight is more season premiere tv for me. Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy start their new seasons tonight, so I'm going to be camped out in front of my tv for two hours tonight. I swear I'm addicted to too many shows. But I can't help it. I love escaping into these shows. They definitely beat reality.
I guess that's it for this entry, since it's getting to be pretty long. But one thing before I stop. I know in my last entry I encouraged comments. Well, of the six comments I got, only one was from an actual human being (props for Karen). So, I will still encourage comments, but if I get more spam comments, I may start having to use word verification whenever anyone comments. We'll see, though. Maybe I'll be surprised this time.
Anyway, it's definitely time to finish this entry. More will come at some point. Maybe I'll surprise myself and write another one in a couple days. Don't count on it, but it could happen!
Yesterday I had my eye exam at LensCrafters in Altoona. Since I've been having these persistent headaches, I figured it wouldn't be such a bad idea to get my eyes checked. Plus, it may help me figure out why I've been having these headaches constantly for over two weeks now. It turns out that my prescription changed by the tiniest of margins, and the optometrist said that it probably wouldn't be very useful to change my lenses. She also wants me to see an ophthalmologist because I have a brown spot on my retina that's been there at least since two years ago (the last time I visited the eye doctor). It hasn't grown at all, so that's good news. But she just wants to have it rechecked just to be sure that isn't the cause of my headaches. I don't think it is if it's been there for such a long time and my headaches just started, but I guess it won't hurt to have it checked. I just hope I can find someone that takes my insurance, because that appointment is going to be expensive.
While I was in Altoona yesterday I met up with Ingrid. It's always fun to see her and chat. I'm actually surprised that I've kept up a friendship with her all these years since I met her my sophomore year of undergrad. I usually can't keep friendships going for that long because people move away. I'm glad we keep in touch though. We have lots in common, too, from watching the same tv shows to having similar political ideologies. So, we usually have lots to chat about. We spent a bit of time chatting about the shows we watch, since it's the month of premieres. We also talked a bit about politics; most of the time was spent Bush bashing, mainly because that seems to be so easy to do. All in all, it was a very nice visit.
I also went to see a movie with her yesterday, since that seems to be a tradition for us. We saw Just Like Heaven. Yeah, I know it's a chick flick, but most people that know me should know that I'm a softy. It was actually a lot funnier than I thought it was going to be. I was literally laughing out loud for a good chunk of the movie. I'd definitely recommend it.
During the half hour of previews and commercials before the movie (OK, I might be exaggerating by just a little, but I don't think it can be by that much) there was a commercial for Lost. That was one commercial I didn't mind. And I think that show would be amazing to see on the big screen. It's already impressive just on TV, but to be able to see it larger than life would be so cool. The surround sound would be great too. The only other thing that I saw in the pre-show entertainment is a movie with Uma Thurman and Meryl Streep that looks quite funny. I can't remember what the name of the movie is, but it looks like it has a good premise. I'd be tempted to see that one, if I remembered its name when it comes out.
At the doctor's appointment on Friday, the cause of my headaches could still not be determined exactly. He still thinks it's a tension headache, which really isn't all that surprising. So, now I'm on a muscle relaxant and a small dosage of an anti-depressant to see if that doesn't get rid of the headaches. The muscle relaxant seems to be sort of working. I don't notice the headache as often anymore. So, hopefully this will continue.
Last week there was the career fair at the Bryce Jordan Center. It's a nice thing to have available to the general student population, but it got kind of annoying. This was mainly because in order to get a decent parking spot, one would either have to get to the BJC before 9am (which I really have trouble with) or drive around for ten minutes waiting for a spot to open up. So, I'd usually have to park pretty far from where I'd like. It really didn't help on Wednesday because they close off one entire line of parking spots for the quarterback club, or something else equally annoying. That day was especially hard to find a decent spot.
The one nice thing about Career Fair last week is that there were plenty of people all dressed up walking around. I always find that people in general are very attractive when they're dressed up. Even people I wouldn't necessarily find attractive in ordinary circumstance tend to become more attractive to me when they are dressed up. In my opinion, there's nothing hotter than a well-dressed man. And there were plenty around campus last week to turn my head. And Thursday most of the ROTC students were in dress uniforms, which is also somewhat of a turn-on, for the same reason as being in a suit and tie. It's the same type of look.
Speaking of ROTC, the Marine Corps ROTC was having a car wash at the McDonald's on North Atherton today, and believe me, I was incredibly tempted to go and have my car washed by them. However, common sense took over in me, because it's supposed to rain tomorrow and Tuesday. I figured it would be a waste of a car wash if I had it done today. Plus, I was getting really hungry after I got done grocery shopping, so I needed to get home.
At some point I really need to get motivation to do stuff while I'm at home besides watching tv and playing on the internet. I do have to start studying for the candidacy exam, and I'd like to do some work at home every once in a while. I just can't seem to find the motivation. I have a feeling I know why that is, and I've covered it in therapy, but it's too long a description to go through in this entry. Perhaps in a future entry I'll go into more detail about it. A small part of my lack of motivation is the constant headache I have. It's hard to focus on anything when you're in pain.
Well, I guess that's it for now. Tonight is more season premiere tv for me. Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy start their new seasons tonight, so I'm going to be camped out in front of my tv for two hours tonight. I swear I'm addicted to too many shows. But I can't help it. I love escaping into these shows. They definitely beat reality.
I guess that's it for this entry, since it's getting to be pretty long. But one thing before I stop. I know in my last entry I encouraged comments. Well, of the six comments I got, only one was from an actual human being (props for Karen). So, I will still encourage comments, but if I get more spam comments, I may start having to use word verification whenever anyone comments. We'll see, though. Maybe I'll be surprised this time.
Anyway, it's definitely time to finish this entry. More will come at some point. Maybe I'll surprise myself and write another one in a couple days. Don't count on it, but it could happen!
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Bush, Hurricanes, and TV
Well, I finally have a bit of time and lots of things to write about (some frivolous, other not so much), so I think now is as good a time as any to do it.
Where should I start? I'll start first with a wonderful picture I "borrowed" from Karen's journal.
I know it's a little late, and it should be filed with my last entry, but I didn't feel like editing that one, and it's too good a picture not to have in my blog anywhere. So, here goes. It's from http://www.dailykos.com. It's the banner on the bottom that's funniest. I'd say that pretty much sums up our president.
One more picture to show. This one I found one day while I was bored at work. I was looking at the NHC website (see sidebar for link) and I found out that there were three hurricanes right in a row in the eastern Pacific Ocean. That's pretty cool, and I don't think it happens very often. Here's that image from Tuesday. There's Jova on
the far left, Kenneth on the far right, and in the middle is Max. I think that Kenneth is now a tropical storm and Max is a tropical depression, so this image is probably when those two were at their peaks. Hurricanes in the Pacific don't seem to last as long as they do in the Atlantic, nor do they seem to get as strong. Part of that reasoning could be that we don't really hear about hurricanes in the Pacific that often. I also think that the Pacific tends to be cooler, which tends to keep hurricanes from gaining too much energy.
Now there's Rita in the Gulf. I feel quite bad for those people that just evacuated from New Orleans and the surrounding towns and parishes. They moved over to Houston, and probably some other parts of Texas, and now they have another hurricane aiming at them. I'd be surprised if these people wanted to move back to the shoreline anytime soon.
On to some more frivolous things, like TV. Fall TV is here! I always enjoy when all of my favorite shows return. Last week, this week, and next week all have season premieres on of shows that I watch regularly (some of which I'm borderline obsessed with). Gilmore Girls season premiere was last week, which is pretty early for a WB show. The season premiere was so great, with Luke saying yes to Lorelai's proposal, and the whole town finding out about it. Some of the funniest moments came from Miss Patty and Babette. Whenever characters in the town get involved in things, hilarity ensues. The only thing I don't like is the way that Rory is acting. She doesn't seem like Rory lately. I'm sure that will change, but it's a little frustrating right now. Although, I knew her and Lorelai's relationship couldn't stay the way it was forever. Relationships change, both on TV and in real life.
Let's see. What else? I watched the season premiere of Lost tonight. I had to tape it last night because I went to play poker. It was pretty good. We finally find out what's in the hatch. For anyone that might stumble upon this blog and actually watch Lost, but haven't yet seen the premiere, I won't reveal anything. However, it seems that with every question that gets answered on that show, three more present themselves. But, it keeps you hooked, which is a sign of good writing and a great show.
I also watched the season premiere of Arrested Development on Monday. (If you haven't been able to tell, I'm addicted to TV.) I haven't watched this show as regularly as I could have, because it keeps switching time slots. It has got to be one of the funniest comedies I've seen. I've only watched an episode here and there, but after this season's premiere, I think I'm going to have to make it a point to watch. The humor is very quick-paced, so you need to be sharp to keep up with it. But if you can, it's really great. I can see why it keeps winning Emmys.
Speaking of which (I needed to segue into this subject somehow), I watched the Emmys last Sunday as well. First of all, I'm glad Lost won best drama, because it is one of the better dramas I've seen in recent years, at least on a major network. I'm a little disappointed Desperate Housewives didn't win best comedy, but not entirely surprised because I don't really consider Desperate Housewives to be a comedy. But I thought of any of the other shows that were nominated, either Scrubs (which is seriously overlooked) or Arrested Development should have won. Not Everybody Loves Raymond. It's an ok show, but I don't think it's the best comedy around. But, that's just my opinion.
Also, I still don't understand why Gilmore Girls can never get nominated for an Emmy. I realize that it's on the WB, and because of that doesn't get a lot of viewership. However, it is, in my opinion, one of the best written shows on TV. And Lauren Graham is one of the most talented actresses on any show. But, they keep getting overlooked. And then they have Lauren Graham present at the Emmys this year. What a slap in the face! But, there's nothing that can be done about that.
OK, enough about TV. I really should stop writing for now since I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow at 8:45 am. I'm not too pleased about that, but it's the only slot that was available to see the same doctor I saw last week. I've had this persistent headache that just doesn't seem to want to go away. So, hopefully tomorrow the doctor can figure something out besides it being a tension headache. I also have an eye appointment on Saturday, just to see if it's because I need a new prescription for my glasses. So, hopefully one of these two appointments will solve my problem.
Before I stop, I'd like to invite anyone that reads this blog to leave a comment and tell me how you stumbled upon it, unless you got it from my IM profile. I'd like to know if anyone out there is reading this. I also put up some link to other blogs/journals of friends (although one of the blogs is just a random one I came across that is written quite well and tends to be pretty funny) and some other links to other common websites that I visit occasionally. I guess that's it for now. It's definitely time to start thinking about going to bed.
Where should I start? I'll start first with a wonderful picture I "borrowed" from Karen's journal.
I know it's a little late, and it should be filed with my last entry, but I didn't feel like editing that one, and it's too good a picture not to have in my blog anywhere. So, here goes. It's from http://www.dailykos.com. It's the banner on the bottom that's funniest. I'd say that pretty much sums up our president.One more picture to show. This one I found one day while I was bored at work. I was looking at the NHC website (see sidebar for link) and I found out that there were three hurricanes right in a row in the eastern Pacific Ocean. That's pretty cool, and I don't think it happens very often. Here's that image from Tuesday. There's Jova on
the far left, Kenneth on the far right, and in the middle is Max. I think that Kenneth is now a tropical storm and Max is a tropical depression, so this image is probably when those two were at their peaks. Hurricanes in the Pacific don't seem to last as long as they do in the Atlantic, nor do they seem to get as strong. Part of that reasoning could be that we don't really hear about hurricanes in the Pacific that often. I also think that the Pacific tends to be cooler, which tends to keep hurricanes from gaining too much energy.Now there's Rita in the Gulf. I feel quite bad for those people that just evacuated from New Orleans and the surrounding towns and parishes. They moved over to Houston, and probably some other parts of Texas, and now they have another hurricane aiming at them. I'd be surprised if these people wanted to move back to the shoreline anytime soon.
On to some more frivolous things, like TV. Fall TV is here! I always enjoy when all of my favorite shows return. Last week, this week, and next week all have season premieres on of shows that I watch regularly (some of which I'm borderline obsessed with). Gilmore Girls season premiere was last week, which is pretty early for a WB show. The season premiere was so great, with Luke saying yes to Lorelai's proposal, and the whole town finding out about it. Some of the funniest moments came from Miss Patty and Babette. Whenever characters in the town get involved in things, hilarity ensues. The only thing I don't like is the way that Rory is acting. She doesn't seem like Rory lately. I'm sure that will change, but it's a little frustrating right now. Although, I knew her and Lorelai's relationship couldn't stay the way it was forever. Relationships change, both on TV and in real life.
Let's see. What else? I watched the season premiere of Lost tonight. I had to tape it last night because I went to play poker. It was pretty good. We finally find out what's in the hatch. For anyone that might stumble upon this blog and actually watch Lost, but haven't yet seen the premiere, I won't reveal anything. However, it seems that with every question that gets answered on that show, three more present themselves. But, it keeps you hooked, which is a sign of good writing and a great show.
I also watched the season premiere of Arrested Development on Monday. (If you haven't been able to tell, I'm addicted to TV.) I haven't watched this show as regularly as I could have, because it keeps switching time slots. It has got to be one of the funniest comedies I've seen. I've only watched an episode here and there, but after this season's premiere, I think I'm going to have to make it a point to watch. The humor is very quick-paced, so you need to be sharp to keep up with it. But if you can, it's really great. I can see why it keeps winning Emmys.
Speaking of which (I needed to segue into this subject somehow), I watched the Emmys last Sunday as well. First of all, I'm glad Lost won best drama, because it is one of the better dramas I've seen in recent years, at least on a major network. I'm a little disappointed Desperate Housewives didn't win best comedy, but not entirely surprised because I don't really consider Desperate Housewives to be a comedy. But I thought of any of the other shows that were nominated, either Scrubs (which is seriously overlooked) or Arrested Development should have won. Not Everybody Loves Raymond. It's an ok show, but I don't think it's the best comedy around. But, that's just my opinion.
Also, I still don't understand why Gilmore Girls can never get nominated for an Emmy. I realize that it's on the WB, and because of that doesn't get a lot of viewership. However, it is, in my opinion, one of the best written shows on TV. And Lauren Graham is one of the most talented actresses on any show. But, they keep getting overlooked. And then they have Lauren Graham present at the Emmys this year. What a slap in the face! But, there's nothing that can be done about that.
OK, enough about TV. I really should stop writing for now since I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow at 8:45 am. I'm not too pleased about that, but it's the only slot that was available to see the same doctor I saw last week. I've had this persistent headache that just doesn't seem to want to go away. So, hopefully tomorrow the doctor can figure something out besides it being a tension headache. I also have an eye appointment on Saturday, just to see if it's because I need a new prescription for my glasses. So, hopefully one of these two appointments will solve my problem.
Before I stop, I'd like to invite anyone that reads this blog to leave a comment and tell me how you stumbled upon it, unless you got it from my IM profile. I'd like to know if anyone out there is reading this. I also put up some link to other blogs/journals of friends (although one of the blogs is just a random one I came across that is written quite well and tends to be pretty funny) and some other links to other common websites that I visit occasionally. I guess that's it for now. It's definitely time to start thinking about going to bed.
Monday, September 05, 2005
Katrina Part II: Bush Bashing
It's been a week since Katrina first made landfall. I've pretty much been keeping track of the news of this disaster since it first happened. Before I get into writing this entry, I should probably start with some warnings to those that might read this entry. First, to any Bush lover who might read this, you'll probably become pretty upset with what I have to say. If you really feel like flaming me, go ahead, but if you do submit nasty comments, I'm probably going to ignore them, unless they are well thought out. And I'll be the first to admit that I was never a Bush supporter and never will be. Most of my rants on how he handled this would be the same if it were a Democrat in office, or an independent, or any other third party that has some slim shot at getting elected. Second, this entry may contain some expletives. I'm not sure how nice and civil I'm willing to be with all that's gone on. I think that's about it for now. On to the entry....
Obviously I'm incredibly enraged by the response of most people in charge in this disaster. Now, this isn't only about Bush, although he does carry most of the blame in my opinion. I'll start with the people in charge in Louisiana. (Yes, this entry is going to be mainly about New Orleans because that's what's been focused on in the news lately.) They do carry some of the blame. They should have done anything within their power to do what needed to be done before the storm hit. Use school buses and any other means of mass transportation to get people evacuated who have NO other means to get out of the city. If nothing else, you can at least make sure the shelter you're sending these people to has an adequate amount of food and water available for people to use for a decent amount of time. They didn't even do that much. However, after the hurricane struck and devastated a large chunk of the Gulf coast, I think the local people in charge were doing everything in their power to help people out.
Now on to the Bush rant. While the people on the local and state level were trying to cope with the tremendous disaster they had on their hands, where was Bush? Our "fearless leader" was on a five-week (!) vacation at his ranch. Five weeks?? I realize that running the country must be a very difficult job, and I certainly would not want to do it myself. But it does seem like Bush is on vacation more often than he is working. I mean, really, how many average people in America actually have at least five weeks of vacation a year? I'm guessing very few. And of these people, can they take all their weeks of vacation at once? Probably not. But that's beside the point. It seems that every time there is some sort of crisis in the world or right here at home, Bush seems to be at his damn ranch in Texas. And this was no exception.
And where the hell is Cheney through all of this? I haven't heard his name in a while. My guess is that he's at some undisclosed location so no one can find him.
So, anyway, Bushie's on vacation for fours weeks prior to Katrina's landfall. Then he waits an extra two days after the landfall to say, "Oh, I guess I should cut my vacation short and help the country I was elected to run." Yes, he cut his vacation short by two days. Two?! That's it? If I were him, and I'm glad I'm not because I don't need that kind of stress, I would have been on a plane back to the White House a couple days before the hurricane hit. Especially since it was pretty obvious to just about anyone that the hurricane was actually going to make landfall somewhere along the Gulf. I mean, it barely passed over Florida and was continually gaining strength. And I know that hurricane predictions aren't always the most accurate, but most of the time the hurricane does move within its "cone of error." So, it shouldn't have been surprising that the hurricane was heading towards the Gulf coast. And it was a category five hurricane up until nearly landfall. I know that what the different categories mean is not exactly clear to everyone (hell, I'm not really sure what the difference is between a cat 4 and a cat 5, except the winds are stronger in a cat 5) but considering it was at the highest level it could go on the Saffir-Simpson scale, most people had to know it was going to be a devastating hurricane.
Our fearless leader then flies over the scarred area just to see what kind of devastation really occurred. Well, that's nice, especially days after the hurricane hit. Then he has the audacity to say that the results going on are "not acceptable." Really. Like we couldn't see that from the beginning. That's like the pot calling the kettle black. He spends an extra two days on vacation while there are people (most of them probably his supporters, perhaps until now) starving, drowning, and all other sorts of nasty ways to die. And he basically says things aren't getting done. What I would have done is the following. I know the storm is going to hit somewhere along the Gulf. I'd have units sent out to strategic locations with food, water, medicine, and the means to get any people that didn't evacuate out of town. These locations would be far enough away so they wouldn't be affected by the full force of Katrina, but close enough that they could get to the devastated areas within a day. And I wouldn't mind if I were stepping on the toes of the people in charge at the local and state level. Things needed to be done and done quickly. At the least, I'd work with them right away and tell them my plans. It just seems like such an obvious thing to do.
So, the results are "not acceptable." What does Bush do from here? He says he's going down to the coast to have a walking tour and see the devastation for himself. While that sounds all nice and everything, really, I think it's detracting from what could be going on. First of all, he'd need some security while he's down there, since, by that time, things have already started to descend into anarchy. So, that's taking away from what security is already there trying to keep the peace. Second, does he really need a first hand look at how bad everything is there before he starts sending in troops and supplies for the survivors? I don't think so. Third, I really think the only reason he went down to MS, AL, and LA is to show people that he's a "caring" person, and to get a few photo ops in. I saw some of his press conference in Biloxi on Friday because that pre-empted my soap for a bit. I don't know if it's just because I've never liked Bush, but I could have sworn that while he was talking about all the work that needs to be done, he had some sort of weird smirk or something on his face. He just didn't look sincere. At least not to me. I'm sure Bush supporters will disagree to no end on this point.
Also, courtesy of "Wait, wait, don't tell me" on NPR, I heard quite the doozy of a quote from our fearless leader. He said, "I don't think anyone anticipated the breach of the levees." Really? How can he possibly say that? I've heard studies say that the levees would only withstand a category three storm. Obviously Katrina was a little bit stronger than that. I've also heard that some of the money going into studying the levee system was diverted away from that for some reason or another. (I'm sure the Iraq war had something to do with it.) So, really, it shouldn't have been a surprise to him, or anyone really. Everyone should have expected something like this would happen at some point. I realize that it is usually people's inclination to procrastinate to no end (I'm no exception), but New Orlean is below sea level. Surely a city as big and prominent and full of history as this one should have some sort better protection from flooding. I mean, the levees are made of dirt! I would think a stronger material is in order. Plus, the fact that they are only built to withstand a moderate strength storm is just laughable. Granted, category 4's and 5's don't happen that often, but often enough to warrant some extra protection, I'd think. But, no, the government doesn't want to spend money on things like protecting cities from natural disasters. Terrorism is the big concern lately.
While terrorism is something important to be concerned about, I think our country's welfare is also equally important. We have so many troops in Iraq and all around the world taking care of other country's problems that it doesn't seem like we have enough here in our own country to take care of ourselves. Now, this isn't just a Bush thing either, but he seems to be a big culprit recently, with this seemingly unending (with no plan for an exit) war in Iraq. I'm not even qualifying it as a war on terror, because I can't justify it as being a war on terror from the beginning. Now it may be with all the anti-American sentiment in Iraq. But I'm getting off topic here. The point is that there aren't enough troops, seemingly, in America to have responded in a quick fashion to the devastation from Katrina, no matter what Bush seems to think. Part of his news conference on ABC last week was directed at how many troops are in Iraq, and Bush basically said that we can handle it here even with the smaller number of troops here. Whatever.
I've heard from one of my friends that Bush has a 46% approval rating on how he's handling things with regards to Katrina. And he has a 47% disapproval rating. (Apparently 7% of people either don't care, can't decide, or live under rocks somewhere and have no idea what's going on.) Frankly, I'm surprised that it's that high.
It seems to me that we could relate this disaster to a terrorist attack. I mean, isn't this the type of this the Department of Homeland Security was preparing for. Well, I guess not exactly the type of thing, since it didn't come from Osama. However, this does show how woefully underprepared we are for this kind of disaster. Honestly, I'm quite afraid of what would happen if there was another terrorist attack, God forbid. Since we can't seem to respond to a hurricane in a reasonable amount of time, I'm really worried.
I truly think that as soon as this disaster is cleaned up that there should be some sort of ramifications on Bush and his administration. I'm thinking on the order of impeachment. It seems necessary to get him the hell out of office. (And this isn't just coming from me because I've never liked him. I'd feel the same way if it were a Democrat.) People get fired all the time for gross incompetence. Why not the President too? Clinton almost got impeached because he had an affair. Bush has had hundreds more people die on his watch that could have been avoided. I don't think anything is going to happen to him though. He'll remain in office for another three years. He is the morals president after all. That's why he remained in office, even though I value honestly pretty highly as a moral, and he doesn't seem to care if he's lying to people.
OK, I guess I should get off my soapbox for now. I just had to rant about what's happening. Things could have been handled so much better, but they weren't and people who could have survived this tragedy have died because of the lack of quick response on the federal level. I know as soon as the devastation has cleared up sufficiently, the blame game will start (it already has) and Bush will probably worm his way out of this scrape too. I find unnecessary death unacceptable, and at the moment, I find Bush and his administration unacceptable as well.
Obviously I'm incredibly enraged by the response of most people in charge in this disaster. Now, this isn't only about Bush, although he does carry most of the blame in my opinion. I'll start with the people in charge in Louisiana. (Yes, this entry is going to be mainly about New Orleans because that's what's been focused on in the news lately.) They do carry some of the blame. They should have done anything within their power to do what needed to be done before the storm hit. Use school buses and any other means of mass transportation to get people evacuated who have NO other means to get out of the city. If nothing else, you can at least make sure the shelter you're sending these people to has an adequate amount of food and water available for people to use for a decent amount of time. They didn't even do that much. However, after the hurricane struck and devastated a large chunk of the Gulf coast, I think the local people in charge were doing everything in their power to help people out.
Now on to the Bush rant. While the people on the local and state level were trying to cope with the tremendous disaster they had on their hands, where was Bush? Our "fearless leader" was on a five-week (!) vacation at his ranch. Five weeks?? I realize that running the country must be a very difficult job, and I certainly would not want to do it myself. But it does seem like Bush is on vacation more often than he is working. I mean, really, how many average people in America actually have at least five weeks of vacation a year? I'm guessing very few. And of these people, can they take all their weeks of vacation at once? Probably not. But that's beside the point. It seems that every time there is some sort of crisis in the world or right here at home, Bush seems to be at his damn ranch in Texas. And this was no exception.
And where the hell is Cheney through all of this? I haven't heard his name in a while. My guess is that he's at some undisclosed location so no one can find him.
So, anyway, Bushie's on vacation for fours weeks prior to Katrina's landfall. Then he waits an extra two days after the landfall to say, "Oh, I guess I should cut my vacation short and help the country I was elected to run." Yes, he cut his vacation short by two days. Two?! That's it? If I were him, and I'm glad I'm not because I don't need that kind of stress, I would have been on a plane back to the White House a couple days before the hurricane hit. Especially since it was pretty obvious to just about anyone that the hurricane was actually going to make landfall somewhere along the Gulf. I mean, it barely passed over Florida and was continually gaining strength. And I know that hurricane predictions aren't always the most accurate, but most of the time the hurricane does move within its "cone of error." So, it shouldn't have been surprising that the hurricane was heading towards the Gulf coast. And it was a category five hurricane up until nearly landfall. I know that what the different categories mean is not exactly clear to everyone (hell, I'm not really sure what the difference is between a cat 4 and a cat 5, except the winds are stronger in a cat 5) but considering it was at the highest level it could go on the Saffir-Simpson scale, most people had to know it was going to be a devastating hurricane.
Our fearless leader then flies over the scarred area just to see what kind of devastation really occurred. Well, that's nice, especially days after the hurricane hit. Then he has the audacity to say that the results going on are "not acceptable." Really. Like we couldn't see that from the beginning. That's like the pot calling the kettle black. He spends an extra two days on vacation while there are people (most of them probably his supporters, perhaps until now) starving, drowning, and all other sorts of nasty ways to die. And he basically says things aren't getting done. What I would have done is the following. I know the storm is going to hit somewhere along the Gulf. I'd have units sent out to strategic locations with food, water, medicine, and the means to get any people that didn't evacuate out of town. These locations would be far enough away so they wouldn't be affected by the full force of Katrina, but close enough that they could get to the devastated areas within a day. And I wouldn't mind if I were stepping on the toes of the people in charge at the local and state level. Things needed to be done and done quickly. At the least, I'd work with them right away and tell them my plans. It just seems like such an obvious thing to do.
So, the results are "not acceptable." What does Bush do from here? He says he's going down to the coast to have a walking tour and see the devastation for himself. While that sounds all nice and everything, really, I think it's detracting from what could be going on. First of all, he'd need some security while he's down there, since, by that time, things have already started to descend into anarchy. So, that's taking away from what security is already there trying to keep the peace. Second, does he really need a first hand look at how bad everything is there before he starts sending in troops and supplies for the survivors? I don't think so. Third, I really think the only reason he went down to MS, AL, and LA is to show people that he's a "caring" person, and to get a few photo ops in. I saw some of his press conference in Biloxi on Friday because that pre-empted my soap for a bit. I don't know if it's just because I've never liked Bush, but I could have sworn that while he was talking about all the work that needs to be done, he had some sort of weird smirk or something on his face. He just didn't look sincere. At least not to me. I'm sure Bush supporters will disagree to no end on this point.
Also, courtesy of "Wait, wait, don't tell me" on NPR, I heard quite the doozy of a quote from our fearless leader. He said, "I don't think anyone anticipated the breach of the levees." Really? How can he possibly say that? I've heard studies say that the levees would only withstand a category three storm. Obviously Katrina was a little bit stronger than that. I've also heard that some of the money going into studying the levee system was diverted away from that for some reason or another. (I'm sure the Iraq war had something to do with it.) So, really, it shouldn't have been a surprise to him, or anyone really. Everyone should have expected something like this would happen at some point. I realize that it is usually people's inclination to procrastinate to no end (I'm no exception), but New Orlean is below sea level. Surely a city as big and prominent and full of history as this one should have some sort better protection from flooding. I mean, the levees are made of dirt! I would think a stronger material is in order. Plus, the fact that they are only built to withstand a moderate strength storm is just laughable. Granted, category 4's and 5's don't happen that often, but often enough to warrant some extra protection, I'd think. But, no, the government doesn't want to spend money on things like protecting cities from natural disasters. Terrorism is the big concern lately.
While terrorism is something important to be concerned about, I think our country's welfare is also equally important. We have so many troops in Iraq and all around the world taking care of other country's problems that it doesn't seem like we have enough here in our own country to take care of ourselves. Now, this isn't just a Bush thing either, but he seems to be a big culprit recently, with this seemingly unending (with no plan for an exit) war in Iraq. I'm not even qualifying it as a war on terror, because I can't justify it as being a war on terror from the beginning. Now it may be with all the anti-American sentiment in Iraq. But I'm getting off topic here. The point is that there aren't enough troops, seemingly, in America to have responded in a quick fashion to the devastation from Katrina, no matter what Bush seems to think. Part of his news conference on ABC last week was directed at how many troops are in Iraq, and Bush basically said that we can handle it here even with the smaller number of troops here. Whatever.
I've heard from one of my friends that Bush has a 46% approval rating on how he's handling things with regards to Katrina. And he has a 47% disapproval rating. (Apparently 7% of people either don't care, can't decide, or live under rocks somewhere and have no idea what's going on.) Frankly, I'm surprised that it's that high.
It seems to me that we could relate this disaster to a terrorist attack. I mean, isn't this the type of this the Department of Homeland Security was preparing for. Well, I guess not exactly the type of thing, since it didn't come from Osama. However, this does show how woefully underprepared we are for this kind of disaster. Honestly, I'm quite afraid of what would happen if there was another terrorist attack, God forbid. Since we can't seem to respond to a hurricane in a reasonable amount of time, I'm really worried.
I truly think that as soon as this disaster is cleaned up that there should be some sort of ramifications on Bush and his administration. I'm thinking on the order of impeachment. It seems necessary to get him the hell out of office. (And this isn't just coming from me because I've never liked him. I'd feel the same way if it were a Democrat.) People get fired all the time for gross incompetence. Why not the President too? Clinton almost got impeached because he had an affair. Bush has had hundreds more people die on his watch that could have been avoided. I don't think anything is going to happen to him though. He'll remain in office for another three years. He is the morals president after all. That's why he remained in office, even though I value honestly pretty highly as a moral, and he doesn't seem to care if he's lying to people.
OK, I guess I should get off my soapbox for now. I just had to rant about what's happening. Things could have been handled so much better, but they weren't and people who could have survived this tragedy have died because of the lack of quick response on the federal level. I know as soon as the devastation has cleared up sufficiently, the blame game will start (it already has) and Bush will probably worm his way out of this scrape too. I find unnecessary death unacceptable, and at the moment, I find Bush and his administration unacceptable as well.
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
It starts....
Well, the semester has officially begun. I'm not sure how to feel about that. Mostly, I'm a little bummed. I absolutely love summers in State College. You can walk around campus without feeling overly claustrophobic. If you want to go to a bar (which I only occasionally do), you can easily find someplace to sit and you can talk with whomever you went with without feeling like your shouting to make yourself heard. And you can get on any loop or link and not have to worry about it being overcrowded.
However, with the passing of time, summers end and the fall semester begins. Now all the undergrads are back on campus and some of them are being a bit more stupid than I thought they were. For example, I was on the bus this afternoon heading back to my car in the BJC lot. I got on at College and Allen, which is typically what I do on days that I have therapy. And already the buses are starting to run slow. (Not even two days into the frickin' semester....) So, the blue loop was pretty crowded because people are scared to walk very far in the rain, I guess. I'm included in that, but I have a lot farther to go than most of the people taking the bus. Anyway, I'm sort of digressing here. Apparently today was being an idiot day on the bus. First, someone didn't pull the cord until we were right at the stop he wanted to get off at, which I can accept if he's new here. Then, a few stops later, someone else decides to sneak in the back doors of the bus, even though it's relatively clearly labeled that people shouldn't enter that way. The bus driver did call him on it, which was gratifying to me. Last, there was this group of three Asian people near the back door just yammering on like there was no tomorrow. The bus driver repeatedly goes on the intercom to tell people to move to the back of the bus. But do they move? Nope! All they do is squeeze in closer to the back door. It's not that hard to move up a couple steps and get closer to the back of the bus, but people in general don't seem to get that concept. I swear, some people should just have the word "moron" tattooed on their forehead so the rest of us can avoid them when possible.
In case you haven't noticed, I'm kind of in ranting mode today.
I've come to the conclusion recently that people who have really loud bass in their cars should, at the very least, be smacked upside the head repeatedly. I concluded this while I was at home a couple weeks ago for a mini-vacation. Now, granted, our house isn't exactly new, so a little noise getting in is to be expected. Plus, we live on a somewhat busy street. So I can totally expect noise to occur. And I'm fine with that. However, on numerous occasions a car would go zooming down the street with bass blaring out of the car so loud that our house would rattle. Is there really any necessity for that? It just doesn't make sense. Plus, most of the time, the cars that have loud bass are either old, poorly made, or falling apart, so as the car goes past, the bass doesn't even sound from the outside, and I can only assume that it doesn't sound good on the inside either. Of course, these same people are probably half-deaf so it doesn't make a difference to them. I just find it incredibly annoying. Very few cars are built decently enough to support a sound system that can pump out that much bass. Plus, I don't think there is any excuse for people to deem it necessary to share what they're listening to in their car with the rest of the outside world. But, that is just my opinion.
One more rant before going on. So, I'm trying to get people organized for the upcoming candidacy exam, which I'm still bitter I have to retake completely, but I'll just have to get over that. Anyway, I'm trying to set a time for anyone who's interested in studying as a group to get together to organize when/where to meet. Plus, I also want to discuss the possibility of getting the exam moved to before Christmas rather than after. So, trying to find a time to meet this week yet is hard enough when working around nine different schedules. What makes it tougher is when several people don't send me what times they are free. So, I have limited data to go on there. That's part a of this rant. Part b is that one person didn't respond to my original email that I sent out to all of the grad students. This person was writing to a different person who has the same first and last initials as me, but a different middle initial, and therefore, a different email address. So, he comes in to tell me that I didn't put him on the list. Well, I told him that I hadn't gotten any emails from him, and he didn't believe me. So I bring up my email and show him, and he wants to look at all the different names I've gotten email from before he believes me. Then he tells me that he's been sending it to someone else. How does someone do that? I mean, whenever I want to respond to someone's email, I hit "reply" and type away. So, that made me a little upset today. Usually I can tolerate other people's blonde moments, especially since I have them quite often, but today I just was in no mood for it. Part c (yes, this is a rant of many parts) is that I decided on a time that I thought would work for most everyone, and it turns out the first time I had proposed worked better. Of course, this goes back to part a. I had limited data to work with, so I had to make do with what I had. I eventually decided to go back to the original time I had proposed because it worked for more people. So, hopefully everyone will show up.
Now on to other things....
As one of my previous entries stated, last week I played poker with a group of meteo grads and other people. Apparently lady luck was hovering over me because I actually won!!! I was utterly shocked by it. By the time we got the group pared down to five people I had half of the chips in play. So, I knew that unless I made a huge mistake, I should still wind up in the money. How I got most of those chips is really quite impressive. I had pocket aces and Chuck had ace/queen, I think. I was slowplaying my aces. How could I not? I didn't want to scare anyone out of the pot. So, the flop has an ace in it. I make a modest bet and Chuck goes all in. I do a little acting and look at my hole cards again, and then call. Needless to say, Chuck was shocked by what I had, and I won the hand. So, I was impressed with that bit of skill I had. I was actually playing really well. I even had some pretty good reads on people, which I usually don't have. So, I'm happy with my performance.
Other than that, not much else is new. I'm going to Uniontown this weekend to see Ingrid and to get out of State College for a while. I don't foresee that happening anytime in the near future, so I might as well take advantage of it while I can. I'm not sure yet what we're doing, but even if it's not much, it'll still be fun.
Today I had therapy. It was a rough one today. I hate the slowness of the healing process. While it's true that I have a lot of issues to work through, sometimes I wish there was just a magic pill that would make it all better. And I'm not talking about anti-depressants. Those might help, but they're not a cure. It would definitely only be a band-aid for me. At least recently, I can actually start working on the hard stuff, issues dealing with my father and everything that's happened in the past five or so years. Well, actually my entire life, but it completely changed about five years ago. It's going to be a rough going, but hopefully I'll make it through. I just get tired of going at it basically on my own. I haven't told most of my friends about it because I really don't want to burden them and because it would take so damn long to go through my life story. Eventually, maybe I'll tell some people, just so I don't have to support myself through it, becuase I get tired of supporting myself. It's really quite exhausting. Of course, today, I comforted myself with a chocolate shake from Irving's, so I'm feeling a little better now. That may be just a sugar rush, though.
Anyway, I have lots to think about/brood over from my session today, which is why I'm glad I've arranged it so that I can just go home right after therapy. I definitely don't think I could have handled going back to the office today after my session. It would have been way too hard.
Well, I suppose I should be off now. I've been writing in here for long enough. I should really go get some food because I feel the sugar rush starting to subside. Besides this entry is getting to be way too long the way it is. I really shouldn't save stuff to write about for so long. But time just doesn't always allow for me to write entries. So, I make do with what I have. On that note, I really must be off so I can eat!
However, with the passing of time, summers end and the fall semester begins. Now all the undergrads are back on campus and some of them are being a bit more stupid than I thought they were. For example, I was on the bus this afternoon heading back to my car in the BJC lot. I got on at College and Allen, which is typically what I do on days that I have therapy. And already the buses are starting to run slow. (Not even two days into the frickin' semester....) So, the blue loop was pretty crowded because people are scared to walk very far in the rain, I guess. I'm included in that, but I have a lot farther to go than most of the people taking the bus. Anyway, I'm sort of digressing here. Apparently today was being an idiot day on the bus. First, someone didn't pull the cord until we were right at the stop he wanted to get off at, which I can accept if he's new here. Then, a few stops later, someone else decides to sneak in the back doors of the bus, even though it's relatively clearly labeled that people shouldn't enter that way. The bus driver did call him on it, which was gratifying to me. Last, there was this group of three Asian people near the back door just yammering on like there was no tomorrow. The bus driver repeatedly goes on the intercom to tell people to move to the back of the bus. But do they move? Nope! All they do is squeeze in closer to the back door. It's not that hard to move up a couple steps and get closer to the back of the bus, but people in general don't seem to get that concept. I swear, some people should just have the word "moron" tattooed on their forehead so the rest of us can avoid them when possible.
In case you haven't noticed, I'm kind of in ranting mode today.
I've come to the conclusion recently that people who have really loud bass in their cars should, at the very least, be smacked upside the head repeatedly. I concluded this while I was at home a couple weeks ago for a mini-vacation. Now, granted, our house isn't exactly new, so a little noise getting in is to be expected. Plus, we live on a somewhat busy street. So I can totally expect noise to occur. And I'm fine with that. However, on numerous occasions a car would go zooming down the street with bass blaring out of the car so loud that our house would rattle. Is there really any necessity for that? It just doesn't make sense. Plus, most of the time, the cars that have loud bass are either old, poorly made, or falling apart, so as the car goes past, the bass doesn't even sound from the outside, and I can only assume that it doesn't sound good on the inside either. Of course, these same people are probably half-deaf so it doesn't make a difference to them. I just find it incredibly annoying. Very few cars are built decently enough to support a sound system that can pump out that much bass. Plus, I don't think there is any excuse for people to deem it necessary to share what they're listening to in their car with the rest of the outside world. But, that is just my opinion.
One more rant before going on. So, I'm trying to get people organized for the upcoming candidacy exam, which I'm still bitter I have to retake completely, but I'll just have to get over that. Anyway, I'm trying to set a time for anyone who's interested in studying as a group to get together to organize when/where to meet. Plus, I also want to discuss the possibility of getting the exam moved to before Christmas rather than after. So, trying to find a time to meet this week yet is hard enough when working around nine different schedules. What makes it tougher is when several people don't send me what times they are free. So, I have limited data to go on there. That's part a of this rant. Part b is that one person didn't respond to my original email that I sent out to all of the grad students. This person was writing to a different person who has the same first and last initials as me, but a different middle initial, and therefore, a different email address. So, he comes in to tell me that I didn't put him on the list. Well, I told him that I hadn't gotten any emails from him, and he didn't believe me. So I bring up my email and show him, and he wants to look at all the different names I've gotten email from before he believes me. Then he tells me that he's been sending it to someone else. How does someone do that? I mean, whenever I want to respond to someone's email, I hit "reply" and type away. So, that made me a little upset today. Usually I can tolerate other people's blonde moments, especially since I have them quite often, but today I just was in no mood for it. Part c (yes, this is a rant of many parts) is that I decided on a time that I thought would work for most everyone, and it turns out the first time I had proposed worked better. Of course, this goes back to part a. I had limited data to work with, so I had to make do with what I had. I eventually decided to go back to the original time I had proposed because it worked for more people. So, hopefully everyone will show up.
Now on to other things....
As one of my previous entries stated, last week I played poker with a group of meteo grads and other people. Apparently lady luck was hovering over me because I actually won!!! I was utterly shocked by it. By the time we got the group pared down to five people I had half of the chips in play. So, I knew that unless I made a huge mistake, I should still wind up in the money. How I got most of those chips is really quite impressive. I had pocket aces and Chuck had ace/queen, I think. I was slowplaying my aces. How could I not? I didn't want to scare anyone out of the pot. So, the flop has an ace in it. I make a modest bet and Chuck goes all in. I do a little acting and look at my hole cards again, and then call. Needless to say, Chuck was shocked by what I had, and I won the hand. So, I was impressed with that bit of skill I had. I was actually playing really well. I even had some pretty good reads on people, which I usually don't have. So, I'm happy with my performance.
Other than that, not much else is new. I'm going to Uniontown this weekend to see Ingrid and to get out of State College for a while. I don't foresee that happening anytime in the near future, so I might as well take advantage of it while I can. I'm not sure yet what we're doing, but even if it's not much, it'll still be fun.
Today I had therapy. It was a rough one today. I hate the slowness of the healing process. While it's true that I have a lot of issues to work through, sometimes I wish there was just a magic pill that would make it all better. And I'm not talking about anti-depressants. Those might help, but they're not a cure. It would definitely only be a band-aid for me. At least recently, I can actually start working on the hard stuff, issues dealing with my father and everything that's happened in the past five or so years. Well, actually my entire life, but it completely changed about five years ago. It's going to be a rough going, but hopefully I'll make it through. I just get tired of going at it basically on my own. I haven't told most of my friends about it because I really don't want to burden them and because it would take so damn long to go through my life story. Eventually, maybe I'll tell some people, just so I don't have to support myself through it, becuase I get tired of supporting myself. It's really quite exhausting. Of course, today, I comforted myself with a chocolate shake from Irving's, so I'm feeling a little better now. That may be just a sugar rush, though.
Anyway, I have lots to think about/brood over from my session today, which is why I'm glad I've arranged it so that I can just go home right after therapy. I definitely don't think I could have handled going back to the office today after my session. It would have been way too hard.
Well, I suppose I should be off now. I've been writing in here for long enough. I should really go get some food because I feel the sugar rush starting to subside. Besides this entry is getting to be way too long the way it is. I really shouldn't save stuff to write about for so long. But time just doesn't always allow for me to write entries. So, I make do with what I have. On that note, I really must be off so I can eat!
Monday, August 29, 2005
Katrina
I've decided for this entry (and possibly all future entries) to forego the titling convention I'd set up a few months back by naming my posts with movie titles. This entry is going to be more "newsy" than others have been. But it's something I feel that I should write about.
Obviously, this entry is going to be on Hurricane Katrina. I think it's very appropriate. It is a monster storm that left damage, destruction, and devastation in its wake.
It was a very impressive storm after it first crossed extreme southern Florida and strengthened in the Gulf of Mexico. At 6:00 pm last night (eastern time) the eye was incredible. I haven't seen an eye like that in a storm in quite some time. I don't usually put pictures in my blog, but I'll make an exception this once. (Of course, if I like how it turns out, you may be seeing pictures again.) I saved this one from the NOAA website. It's the GOES storm floater visible satellite picture yesterday late afternoon.
Obviously, this entry is going to be on Hurricane Katrina. I think it's very appropriate. It is a monster storm that left damage, destruction, and devastation in its wake.
It was a very impressive storm after it first crossed extreme southern Florida and strengthened in the Gulf of Mexico. At 6:00 pm last night (eastern time) the eye was incredible. I haven't seen an eye like that in a storm in quite some time. I don't usually put pictures in my blog, but I'll make an exception this once. (Of course, if I like how it turns out, you may be seeing pictures again.) I saved this one from the NOAA website. It's the GOES storm floater visible satellite picture yesterday late afternoon.
So, the hurricane made landfall early this morning in Louisiana, and then again on the LA/MS border. I watched a little of the coverage this morning while I was eating breakfast. What can I say? I'm a weather weenie. I'm very interested in storms and the destruction they leave behind. But then I had to go to campus to try to get some work done, which was hard to do with all the articles I could read about what was going on with the storm.
Needless to say, I didn't get a whole lot done today. One of the articles I read from cnn.com told of how New Orleans could have become a huge expanse of toxic sludge, what with the possibility of water treatment plants being ripped apart by the storm and other such buildings. I was deeply disturbed by this article mainly because I felt bad for anyone that had no means of evacuating the city when they had the chance. The most disturbing part of the article was a comment by Ivor van Heerden, from the LSU Hurricane Center:
"Imagine you're the poor person who decides not to evacuate: Your house will disintegrate around you. The best you'll be able to do is hang on to a light pole, and while you're hanging on, the fire ants from all the mounds -- of which there is two per yard on average -- will clamber up that same pole. And eventually, the fire ants will win."
Isn't that just a depressing thought? I'm not even sure what to make of that. My guess is that the ants will viciously attack the human clinging to the light pole for dear life and I guess that person is going to die. Talk about horrible ways to die! (If you want, you can read the whole article here.)
Just watching the damage being shown from various sources today kind of makes one take stock of one's life. There was another article I read today, again on cnn.com (click here). The quote that I found incredibly sad is as follows:
"The water's rising pretty fast. I got a hammer and an ax and a crowbar, but I'm holding off on breaking through the roof until the last minute. Tell someone to come get me please. I want to live."
This is from Chris Robinson (via cnn.com) talking to the Associated Press on his cell phone. I cannot imagine what it must have been like being anywhere that Katrina had hit. I don't know how or if I could have handled it. Of course, then there are those reporters who are getting blown around trying to show people what it's like in the hurricane, but yet telling them that their best bet is to stay inside. Um, hello? Shouldn't you be following your own advice? I realize that a video camera is not going to be able to withstand hurricane force winds if left alone outside, but take video from inside a building. Or at least wait until there is a lull in the storm, relatively speaking, of course. But, hey, who am I to judge what's been going on for as long as I can remember? I'm just saying that one of these times, some guy reporting the news is going to get hurt in one of these storms, and it isn't going to be pretty.
I also heard on CNN on Paula Zahn's show that in one of the states, I can't remember which right now because there was so much devastation, that some of the rescuers saw bodies floating in the floodwaters. It really makes me sad that some people didn't have the means to escape before the storm hit. It makes me angry at the others who figured this would just be a false alarm again, kind of like the boy who cried wolf, so they decided to stay and wait it out. I think this might teach people to take the weather seriously.
Well, I think I've hit all the things I want to say about this storm. My thoughts and prayers go out to those survivors that they get rescued and can return to their homes and rebuild their lives. Even with my morbid curiousity and needing to see coverage a lot, my heart still goes out to these people. Now, with that, I say good night at this time. My next entry will hopefully not be so serious, but who knows? It all depends on what's going on in the world.
*edited 9/5/05 11:22am
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Insomnia
Well, I'm back to posting in this blog again. I know, I'm becoming really crappy at it. I just never seem to have enough time to devote to writing one of "my entries." I put that in quotes because mine seem to be longer than the average person's. It's no big surprise to me that I don't seem to get many comments from people. I think most get bored after about a paragraph.
So, let's see, what's been happening with me in the last month. I think I've just about settled into my new apartment, finally. There are a few more things I'd like to arrange, but things are really starting to come together nicely. It definitely feels more homey than any other place I've lived in so far. I think this may just be my permanent home until I'm done at Penn State, whenever that may be.
I did get to go home last week, which is always really nice. The only part about it I didn't like so much was the drive. I forgot what a horrendously boring drive that can be. And of course, I decide that I should go home the week where it's really hot and humid out. I didn't have a whole lot of choice in the matter, though. I have to give a presentation at our group meeting this week, and last week my therapist was on vacation, so it made sense for me to as well. Anyway, the drive wasn't very eventful either way. On the way home, I got stuck for an hour in a traffic jam in north central Ohio. There was a really bad accident; a semi went off the road, and as I was going past, I couldn't see the cab, only the trailer. I'm not entirely sure what happened. I do feel kind of bad, though, for thinking, as I was stuck in traffic, that there had better be a bad accident holding us up. But, I was a little pissy, and hot, and sweaty, with no air conditioning. After that, though, the drive was pretty boring. I hit some heavy rain in Indiana, but after that, it was smooth sailing, even in Chicago. It was after 8:00 central time when I got there, so rush hour was pretty much over. I've come to believe that there is never going to be a time in Chicago when there is no traffic, though.
My week at home, was very nice, though. I didn't do much of anything, which is how vacation is supposed to be. I watched tv, played with Higgins, read some more of Wicked, went to visit the grandparents, and spent some time with Mom and Bree. We also rented some movies. Guess Who is a pretty cute movie, although a little predictable. It wasn't the best movie on earth, but it was at least entertaining. I also saw The Aviator. I must say, I'm not all that thrilled with that movie. First of all, it was nearly three hours long. Secondly, it didn't start to get really interesting until nearly two hours into the movie. I was very tempted several times to just stop watching it, but I'm too stubborn to give up. Plus it got so much Oscar buzz that I thought it had to get pretty good sometime. Third was the ending. By that, I mean, it ended. It didn't feel like the story was finished at all. It just kind of stopped, like whoever was making it got bored with it or ran out of money or something. I hate it when movies do that. That's like reading a novel and finishing 100 pages from the end. What's the point?
Anyway, on to my drive back here. Again, it was hot and humid, and rather uneventful. Chicago had lots of traffic for a Saturday because there was an air and water show. And a cold front moved through the night before, but I felt like I was following the rain the entire drive back here. Then when I got back, I unloaded my car, and spent several hours sitting up because I was overcaffeinated and overtired. I didn't get to sleep until 5:00 AM. I wasn't a happy camper. I've never been that wired before. I think I'm still catching up on sleep.
Well, I think I'm going to stop for now. It's poker night tonight, and I need to head out pretty soon. Hopefully the poker gods are smiling on me.
So, let's see, what's been happening with me in the last month. I think I've just about settled into my new apartment, finally. There are a few more things I'd like to arrange, but things are really starting to come together nicely. It definitely feels more homey than any other place I've lived in so far. I think this may just be my permanent home until I'm done at Penn State, whenever that may be.
I did get to go home last week, which is always really nice. The only part about it I didn't like so much was the drive. I forgot what a horrendously boring drive that can be. And of course, I decide that I should go home the week where it's really hot and humid out. I didn't have a whole lot of choice in the matter, though. I have to give a presentation at our group meeting this week, and last week my therapist was on vacation, so it made sense for me to as well. Anyway, the drive wasn't very eventful either way. On the way home, I got stuck for an hour in a traffic jam in north central Ohio. There was a really bad accident; a semi went off the road, and as I was going past, I couldn't see the cab, only the trailer. I'm not entirely sure what happened. I do feel kind of bad, though, for thinking, as I was stuck in traffic, that there had better be a bad accident holding us up. But, I was a little pissy, and hot, and sweaty, with no air conditioning. After that, though, the drive was pretty boring. I hit some heavy rain in Indiana, but after that, it was smooth sailing, even in Chicago. It was after 8:00 central time when I got there, so rush hour was pretty much over. I've come to believe that there is never going to be a time in Chicago when there is no traffic, though.
My week at home, was very nice, though. I didn't do much of anything, which is how vacation is supposed to be. I watched tv, played with Higgins, read some more of Wicked, went to visit the grandparents, and spent some time with Mom and Bree. We also rented some movies. Guess Who is a pretty cute movie, although a little predictable. It wasn't the best movie on earth, but it was at least entertaining. I also saw The Aviator. I must say, I'm not all that thrilled with that movie. First of all, it was nearly three hours long. Secondly, it didn't start to get really interesting until nearly two hours into the movie. I was very tempted several times to just stop watching it, but I'm too stubborn to give up. Plus it got so much Oscar buzz that I thought it had to get pretty good sometime. Third was the ending. By that, I mean, it ended. It didn't feel like the story was finished at all. It just kind of stopped, like whoever was making it got bored with it or ran out of money or something. I hate it when movies do that. That's like reading a novel and finishing 100 pages from the end. What's the point?
Anyway, on to my drive back here. Again, it was hot and humid, and rather uneventful. Chicago had lots of traffic for a Saturday because there was an air and water show. And a cold front moved through the night before, but I felt like I was following the rain the entire drive back here. Then when I got back, I unloaded my car, and spent several hours sitting up because I was overcaffeinated and overtired. I didn't get to sleep until 5:00 AM. I wasn't a happy camper. I've never been that wired before. I think I'm still catching up on sleep.
Well, I think I'm going to stop for now. It's poker night tonight, and I need to head out pretty soon. Hopefully the poker gods are smiling on me.
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Independence Day
Well, I'm back and I have some time before I normally go to sleep to write something in here. It's taken me a while, but things have been kind of crazy for me, what with moving and all. I've totally forgotten how long it takes to get an apartment all situated. True, I haven't been spending all that much time on it, but it's still taking quite a while. But the place I'm living in now is very, very nice. Spacious, nice big kitchen, pretty large bedroom, and a walk-in closet! I definitely can see me settling here for the rest of my time at Penn State, however long that may be.
So, what have I done in the past month, besides move? Honestly, not a whole lot. Moving is always quite the ordeal. I did have a lot of people help me out, though, which was really, really nice. With that many people, and almost all of them bringing their own car, things went really fast. I moved most of my stuff in about three hours. I gotta love that!
Lately, I've been doing a lot of shopping for stuff for the apt. I forgot how much extra stuff I needed after having lived with roommates last year. I still don't think I'm completely done with the shopping part, though. There are still some things I'd really like to get, like a couple throw pillows for my futons so I don't have to lean up against a wooden arm. I'm sure there is other stuff, too, but I can never think of it until I'm out shopping.
I'm slowly starting to get settled in, though. Most of my big furniture was where I wanted it to be within a couple days, mainly because it's easier to move other stuff around without having to avoid tripping over the big stuff. Now it's just the little stuff I have to worry about finding places for. But it will get done at some point, hopefully before the semester starts.
Another thing I've spent a good chunk of time doing is reading the latest Harry Potter book. Karen is the office gatekeeper of the book. She's been passing it around the office, because most of us are too cheap to buy it in hardcover. I got it right after she was done reading it. It was a very good book. A pretty quick read, and I never thought I'd say this about any of the Potter books, but this one could have been a bit longer. There were many details from previous books that I had to think back on. This book did lay out a lot of stuff that needs to be tied-up in the last book. I have a feeling the last book is going to be very long in order to tie everything up.
The only thing I could possibly complain about this book is the reveal of who the half-blood prince is. It seemed kind of anti-climatic. However, at the end of the book a main character dies, and it's incredibly sad. I'm not saying any more for those people that read this blog and may not yet have read the book. I don't want to spoil it for anyone.
Other than that not much else is new. Well, besides the fact I almost got run over today. I was at the corner of College and Allen, which is typically a pretty busy intersection. Anyway, I got off the bus to stop at the ATM and get some breakfast from Irving's and I was about to cross the street. I waited for the walk signal to come up, and I started to proceed across the street. Luckily, I decided to look to make sure no cars were coming. All of a sudden I see this pickup truck barreling down College, going through the red light at least ten seconds after it turned red. There was no way he thought he could make it before the light turned red. I'm just glad I had the foresight to look to make sure there were no oncoming vehicles. Becuase at the speed he was going, I definitely would have been severely injured, if not dead.
So, that was my excitement for the day. And I think on that note, it's a good time to sign out of my blog. Hopefully my next entry won't be quite so far from now, but one can never tell with me.
So, what have I done in the past month, besides move? Honestly, not a whole lot. Moving is always quite the ordeal. I did have a lot of people help me out, though, which was really, really nice. With that many people, and almost all of them bringing their own car, things went really fast. I moved most of my stuff in about three hours. I gotta love that!
Lately, I've been doing a lot of shopping for stuff for the apt. I forgot how much extra stuff I needed after having lived with roommates last year. I still don't think I'm completely done with the shopping part, though. There are still some things I'd really like to get, like a couple throw pillows for my futons so I don't have to lean up against a wooden arm. I'm sure there is other stuff, too, but I can never think of it until I'm out shopping.
I'm slowly starting to get settled in, though. Most of my big furniture was where I wanted it to be within a couple days, mainly because it's easier to move other stuff around without having to avoid tripping over the big stuff. Now it's just the little stuff I have to worry about finding places for. But it will get done at some point, hopefully before the semester starts.
Another thing I've spent a good chunk of time doing is reading the latest Harry Potter book. Karen is the office gatekeeper of the book. She's been passing it around the office, because most of us are too cheap to buy it in hardcover. I got it right after she was done reading it. It was a very good book. A pretty quick read, and I never thought I'd say this about any of the Potter books, but this one could have been a bit longer. There were many details from previous books that I had to think back on. This book did lay out a lot of stuff that needs to be tied-up in the last book. I have a feeling the last book is going to be very long in order to tie everything up.
The only thing I could possibly complain about this book is the reveal of who the half-blood prince is. It seemed kind of anti-climatic. However, at the end of the book a main character dies, and it's incredibly sad. I'm not saying any more for those people that read this blog and may not yet have read the book. I don't want to spoil it for anyone.
Other than that not much else is new. Well, besides the fact I almost got run over today. I was at the corner of College and Allen, which is typically a pretty busy intersection. Anyway, I got off the bus to stop at the ATM and get some breakfast from Irving's and I was about to cross the street. I waited for the walk signal to come up, and I started to proceed across the street. Luckily, I decided to look to make sure no cars were coming. All of a sudden I see this pickup truck barreling down College, going through the red light at least ten seconds after it turned red. There was no way he thought he could make it before the light turned red. I'm just glad I had the foresight to look to make sure there were no oncoming vehicles. Becuase at the speed he was going, I definitely would have been severely injured, if not dead.
So, that was my excitement for the day. And I think on that note, it's a good time to sign out of my blog. Hopefully my next entry won't be quite so far from now, but one can never tell with me.
Friday, July 01, 2005
Two Weeks' Notice
Well, it's official. Two weeks from today I'm moving to a new apartment. I'm actually kind of excited. Not about the actual moving itself, mind you. I'm so incredibly sick of packing up my life and moving every summer. I'm just excited because it's such a nice place. Very spacious, huge kitchen, and it has a washer and dryer included. Yes, it's a bit expensive, but having the washer/dryer in my apartment will save me time and money. Plus, it's on the other side of town, near Wal-Mart, Target, three different grocery stores, Best Buy, etc. And it's right near the bypass, so I can get to the mall pretty quickly, and I can just hop on the highway within minutes and head to Altoona.
Other than that, not much else is new with me. I've been dealing with the not-passing the qualifying exam thing as well as I can. I'm still not thrilled, but it gets easier with every day. I haven't really let it stop me from doing what I would normally do every day.
I've also signed up for message boards for the soaps I watched. It's kind of fun, actually. It's nice to be able to chat with people around the country about the soaps I watch, since I can only do that with my friend Ingrid every once in a great while. I really enjoy it. Plus, it's nice to see other people feel the same way I do about the shows I watch.
Tomorrow I'm off to Greensburg to go to a mall and visit with Ingrid. It should be fun. It'll definitely be nice to get out of State College for a while. It's a nice town, don't get me wrong, but I like to get out every now and then.
Well, I guess that's it. I probably won't post anything before the fourth, so Happy Independence Day!
Other than that, not much else is new with me. I've been dealing with the not-passing the qualifying exam thing as well as I can. I'm still not thrilled, but it gets easier with every day. I haven't really let it stop me from doing what I would normally do every day.
I've also signed up for message boards for the soaps I watched. It's kind of fun, actually. It's nice to be able to chat with people around the country about the soaps I watch, since I can only do that with my friend Ingrid every once in a great while. I really enjoy it. Plus, it's nice to see other people feel the same way I do about the shows I watch.
Tomorrow I'm off to Greensburg to go to a mall and visit with Ingrid. It should be fun. It'll definitely be nice to get out of State College for a while. It's a nice town, don't get me wrong, but I like to get out every now and then.
Well, I guess that's it. I probably won't post anything before the fourth, so Happy Independence Day!
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Fallen
I found out the results of the candidacy exam today. Unfortunately, I didn't pass either section of the exam, which is why the title is what it is. I actually thought I might have passed at least one section, which is probably why this hurts a bit more than I thought it would. I couldn't even keep my emotions in check while in my office. I had to go outside to call my mom and Bree to let them know how I did. Eventually I did pull myself together enough to gather up my things from my office and come back to the apartment.
I'm still feeling kind of bad about it. It's hard to think that with all the time and effort I put into this thing that nothing came of it. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm extremely proud of myself that I actually went in and took the test. That, in itself, is quite an accomplishment. But still, I wish I would have done at least a little bit better.
I did get some encouraging words from Dr. Shirer today, though. After he gave me the results, he said that I shouldn't just give up. He also said that he's seen this before. People have failed the first time, and then came back to pass the second time. And he said that based on working with me, he knows I can do it. So, that's encouraging, at least.
Now where do I go from here? I don't know. That's the honest truth. Since people think that I shouldn't lose hope, I guess I'm going to continue on after this MAJOR setback. I mean, it's not like I can't pass the next time. At least, I hope it's not. I just wish this were an easier decision for me. I'm definitely staying here. I've already applied for a new apartment. So, I'm kind of committed to it. All I can do it wait, study and see what happens.
I guess my biggest mistake in this whole thing is really only studying for the exam the couple weeks prior to it. Not that that was entirely my fault, though. I was really busy with grading and teaching and stuff. And I just didn't have any motivation to study beyond that. Still, I did my best, and studied as hard as I could. I don't really know what I would have changed besides studying more often for it.
I'm really trying not to let this get me down too much either, which is hard for me, as many people probably know. I already have so much on my plate with depression and all, that this really sets me back. I was getting somewhat better, thanks to my therapist. Now I don't know though. It brings me back to a sort of self-loathing place that I really don't like to be in, but can't help going to when the going gets rough. I guess this is just more fodder for therapy. Like I need any more stuff to discuss there.
At least I do have a new apartment to fall back on. It should be really nice there too. It's in a nice area of town, plus it's close to all the major shopping places: Wal-Mart, Target, Lowes, Weis, Giant, Wegmans, Best Buy. It's huge too. Lots of space, and it comes with a washer and dryer, which means, no getting quarters every other week to do laundry, and not having to really plan out when to do laundry so I can go at a relatively quiet time. I'll be able to do laundry whenever I want.
Other than that, not much else is new in my life. I'm doing my best to pull myself together and dust myself off so I can continue on with my research and not be setback too much by this news. It may take a couple days, but I'm sure I'll be able to do it.
I'm still feeling kind of bad about it. It's hard to think that with all the time and effort I put into this thing that nothing came of it. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm extremely proud of myself that I actually went in and took the test. That, in itself, is quite an accomplishment. But still, I wish I would have done at least a little bit better.
I did get some encouraging words from Dr. Shirer today, though. After he gave me the results, he said that I shouldn't just give up. He also said that he's seen this before. People have failed the first time, and then came back to pass the second time. And he said that based on working with me, he knows I can do it. So, that's encouraging, at least.
Now where do I go from here? I don't know. That's the honest truth. Since people think that I shouldn't lose hope, I guess I'm going to continue on after this MAJOR setback. I mean, it's not like I can't pass the next time. At least, I hope it's not. I just wish this were an easier decision for me. I'm definitely staying here. I've already applied for a new apartment. So, I'm kind of committed to it. All I can do it wait, study and see what happens.
I guess my biggest mistake in this whole thing is really only studying for the exam the couple weeks prior to it. Not that that was entirely my fault, though. I was really busy with grading and teaching and stuff. And I just didn't have any motivation to study beyond that. Still, I did my best, and studied as hard as I could. I don't really know what I would have changed besides studying more often for it.
I'm really trying not to let this get me down too much either, which is hard for me, as many people probably know. I already have so much on my plate with depression and all, that this really sets me back. I was getting somewhat better, thanks to my therapist. Now I don't know though. It brings me back to a sort of self-loathing place that I really don't like to be in, but can't help going to when the going gets rough. I guess this is just more fodder for therapy. Like I need any more stuff to discuss there.
At least I do have a new apartment to fall back on. It should be really nice there too. It's in a nice area of town, plus it's close to all the major shopping places: Wal-Mart, Target, Lowes, Weis, Giant, Wegmans, Best Buy. It's huge too. Lots of space, and it comes with a washer and dryer, which means, no getting quarters every other week to do laundry, and not having to really plan out when to do laundry so I can go at a relatively quiet time. I'll be able to do laundry whenever I want.
Other than that, not much else is new in my life. I'm doing my best to pull myself together and dust myself off so I can continue on with my research and not be setback too much by this news. It may take a couple days, but I'm sure I'll be able to do it.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Some Like It Hot....
.... but I sure as hell am not one of them! I'm so completely sick of the heat and humidity here. It's been over a week now that it's been so hot. I thought there was supposed to be some relief tonight, but apparently not. Or at least not in the form of thunderstorms. The State College effect occurs once again. They've completely crapped out before they got here. Not that I'm entirely surprised. I've heard that relief is on the way for the weekend, but I'm not entirely sure I believe that, even though I study meteorology. I'll believe it when I see it.
Things aren't going too badly here other than not being able to cool off my room enough to sleep well at night. (Sounds familiar to those of you that read this fairly often.) I'm running way behind on sleep, which is not good since I have a presentation to give on Thursday for my group meeting. I'm just hoping that I can catch up in the next couple nights.
So far, I'm pretty sure this presentation isn't going to be one of my finest. I don't exactly have a lot of stuff done to present, but I'll present what stuff I can. I'm still not even sure where I want to go with this research. I'm just getting my feet wet, which is kind of sad, because I've been working with Ray for two semesters now. Unfortunately, the first one of those I had turbulence, which took up a good chunk of time, and the second I was a TA, which took up an even larger chunk. But, I have the whole summer ahead of me with nothing to distract me from my research except for my own lack of motivation. Luckily, that hasn't struck yet; presentations are great motivators.
Speaking of being a TA, sort of, I just looked at the evaluations that Dr. Shirer got for the semester, and overall I'd say the students thought I did a good job, even though many of them criticized my grading. Some thought I was too harsh, but some of those people did grudgingly accept the fact that they learned something from my harsh grading. I know I can be picky, but I wasn't overly bad. Plus, I was a math major and am very adament about using the correct notation. On average, though, I believe that students were averaging mid-to high B's on their problem sets, which is pretty good for a dynamics class. A lot of them commented on how available I was, not that I had anything to do with that. Students would just show up no matter when and I couldn't exactly turn them away. So, I was stuck. But it was a good class. I'm happy with them.
Completely switching tracks, last weekend was pretty fun. A fellow meteo grad and his fiancee held a grill-out. A surprising number of people showed up. It was really fun to just kick back with some fellow meteo grads and relax, eat good food, watch storms roll through, and just have conversations about general things. It was just a great time. I didn't realize how much fun hanging out with some of my fellow students could be. I may have to do that more often.
This next weekend is looking to be pretty good as well. Hopefully my group meeting will actually still be on Thursday, because my advisor is out of town on Friday. Because of that, I'm taking the day off to look at apartments in the area. Hopefully I'll be able to find something I like. It would really help to know for certain how I did on my candidacy exam, but I'm still sticking around next semester at least, no matter what.
Then on Saturday, one of my officemate's husband or boyfriend or something to that effect is having an art exhibit that I'll probably go to. I'm always up for something a bit cultural. So, we'll see what happens.
One other new thing. I've been playing online poker tournaments (for play money) recently, to keep myself sharp for the meteo poker nights. I've found it to be quite fun. Plus, out of the five I've played, I've won twice! Granted, I've been getting rather lucky with catching cards when I need them. It's been great though, not quite the same as playing in real life, but still fun.
Well, I suppose I should get going. I need to try to get some sleep tonight. Hopefully I get more than I've gotten that past couple. If not, I'll just have to load up on caffeine tomorrow. Night!
Things aren't going too badly here other than not being able to cool off my room enough to sleep well at night. (Sounds familiar to those of you that read this fairly often.) I'm running way behind on sleep, which is not good since I have a presentation to give on Thursday for my group meeting. I'm just hoping that I can catch up in the next couple nights.
So far, I'm pretty sure this presentation isn't going to be one of my finest. I don't exactly have a lot of stuff done to present, but I'll present what stuff I can. I'm still not even sure where I want to go with this research. I'm just getting my feet wet, which is kind of sad, because I've been working with Ray for two semesters now. Unfortunately, the first one of those I had turbulence, which took up a good chunk of time, and the second I was a TA, which took up an even larger chunk. But, I have the whole summer ahead of me with nothing to distract me from my research except for my own lack of motivation. Luckily, that hasn't struck yet; presentations are great motivators.
Speaking of being a TA, sort of, I just looked at the evaluations that Dr. Shirer got for the semester, and overall I'd say the students thought I did a good job, even though many of them criticized my grading. Some thought I was too harsh, but some of those people did grudgingly accept the fact that they learned something from my harsh grading. I know I can be picky, but I wasn't overly bad. Plus, I was a math major and am very adament about using the correct notation. On average, though, I believe that students were averaging mid-to high B's on their problem sets, which is pretty good for a dynamics class. A lot of them commented on how available I was, not that I had anything to do with that. Students would just show up no matter when and I couldn't exactly turn them away. So, I was stuck. But it was a good class. I'm happy with them.
Completely switching tracks, last weekend was pretty fun. A fellow meteo grad and his fiancee held a grill-out. A surprising number of people showed up. It was really fun to just kick back with some fellow meteo grads and relax, eat good food, watch storms roll through, and just have conversations about general things. It was just a great time. I didn't realize how much fun hanging out with some of my fellow students could be. I may have to do that more often.
This next weekend is looking to be pretty good as well. Hopefully my group meeting will actually still be on Thursday, because my advisor is out of town on Friday. Because of that, I'm taking the day off to look at apartments in the area. Hopefully I'll be able to find something I like. It would really help to know for certain how I did on my candidacy exam, but I'm still sticking around next semester at least, no matter what.
Then on Saturday, one of my officemate's husband or boyfriend or something to that effect is having an art exhibit that I'll probably go to. I'm always up for something a bit cultural. So, we'll see what happens.
One other new thing. I've been playing online poker tournaments (for play money) recently, to keep myself sharp for the meteo poker nights. I've found it to be quite fun. Plus, out of the five I've played, I've won twice! Granted, I've been getting rather lucky with catching cards when I need them. It's been great though, not quite the same as playing in real life, but still fun.
Well, I suppose I should get going. I need to try to get some sleep tonight. Hopefully I get more than I've gotten that past couple. If not, I'll just have to load up on caffeine tomorrow. Night!
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
Hairspray
Well, I'm back from a nice long vacation. It was really great to be back home, and mainly away from State College for a couple weeks. Not that I don't like State College, but sometimes one just has to get away for a while.
The first couple days I had off I spent in Uniontown with Ingrid. We went to see Revenge of the Sith. I thought it was a good movie, definitely better than the previous two sequels, especially the first. The first prequel was the worst. It's sad when the animated creatures are better actors than the kid that was hired to play Anakin. There must have been a major crunch when it came to filming to hire that kid.
The next day we went hiking around Ohiopyle falls. I got some great pictures from there. Maybe even some that are frame-worthy. After I ate dinner at her house, I went to the hotel to leave my car and get up really early for my flight. While I did that, I watched the daytime emmys and was very happy that one of my favorite actresses from my favorite soap finally (!) won an award. She's deserved it for so long. This year was definitely one of her best.
Being at home was great. The first week, I hardly did anything but read and watch TV. I definitely needed the mental relaxation after the candidacy exam. It was really nice to just sleep as long as I wanted to chat with Mom and Bree. I also got some free meals from Grandma and Grandpa. We did some exciting stuff too. We went shopping in Milwaukee after my flight landed. That was fun, even though I was incredibly exhausted after that day.
I think the most exciting thing we did while I was home was going to see Hairspray. It's such a great musical! I absolutely loved it. I knew even before we went to see it that it had to be good because it won so many Tonys and I saw the closing number when I watched the Tonys the year it won. It impressed me so much that I bought the soundtrack without even having seen the show. Based on that, I thought the show had to be great. And it totally lived up to my expectations, even exceeding them. I'd be tempted to go see it again.
We also got to go to the NEW zoo in Green Bay. It's an excellent zoo, on par with some in some bigger cities. I think I got some good pictures of some animals there, but I won't know how they turned out until I get them developed.
Overall, it was a fantastic trip home. I didn't want to leave, but alas, I had to so I could get some research done. So, I'm back, and surprisingly motivated. Hopefully it lasts throughout the summer. Now, all I need to do is find the motivation to find a new apartment. Actually it's the time. I'm sure I can find it though. Hopefully I can find a decent apartment for a good price. We'll see, though.
I guess I should get going. It's time to just chill out and surf the net for a while before bed.
The first couple days I had off I spent in Uniontown with Ingrid. We went to see Revenge of the Sith. I thought it was a good movie, definitely better than the previous two sequels, especially the first. The first prequel was the worst. It's sad when the animated creatures are better actors than the kid that was hired to play Anakin. There must have been a major crunch when it came to filming to hire that kid.
The next day we went hiking around Ohiopyle falls. I got some great pictures from there. Maybe even some that are frame-worthy. After I ate dinner at her house, I went to the hotel to leave my car and get up really early for my flight. While I did that, I watched the daytime emmys and was very happy that one of my favorite actresses from my favorite soap finally (!) won an award. She's deserved it for so long. This year was definitely one of her best.
Being at home was great. The first week, I hardly did anything but read and watch TV. I definitely needed the mental relaxation after the candidacy exam. It was really nice to just sleep as long as I wanted to chat with Mom and Bree. I also got some free meals from Grandma and Grandpa. We did some exciting stuff too. We went shopping in Milwaukee after my flight landed. That was fun, even though I was incredibly exhausted after that day.
I think the most exciting thing we did while I was home was going to see Hairspray. It's such a great musical! I absolutely loved it. I knew even before we went to see it that it had to be good because it won so many Tonys and I saw the closing number when I watched the Tonys the year it won. It impressed me so much that I bought the soundtrack without even having seen the show. Based on that, I thought the show had to be great. And it totally lived up to my expectations, even exceeding them. I'd be tempted to go see it again.
We also got to go to the NEW zoo in Green Bay. It's an excellent zoo, on par with some in some bigger cities. I think I got some good pictures of some animals there, but I won't know how they turned out until I get them developed.
Overall, it was a fantastic trip home. I didn't want to leave, but alas, I had to so I could get some research done. So, I'm back, and surprisingly motivated. Hopefully it lasts throughout the summer. Now, all I need to do is find the motivation to find a new apartment. Actually it's the time. I'm sure I can find it though. Hopefully I can find a decent apartment for a good price. We'll see, though.
I guess I should get going. It's time to just chill out and surf the net for a while before bed.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
Stick a fork in me..... I'm done!! The candidacy exam is over, and I couldn't be happier. I'm just hoping my weeks of studying kind of pays off. I'm very excited to be done and not have to study for hours on end and be stressed. I'm even taking the next couple weeks off. Tomorrow I head to Uniontown to see Ingrid, and then I go to Pittsburgh on Friday to stay overnight and head to the airport Saturday morning to fly to Atlanta and then to Milwaukee and I'll be home for two weeks. It should be nice, just to be away from State College. I like it here enough, but sometimes I need a break.
Anyway, I don't have much else to say in my entry tonight, which I know is shocking since my entries take up many many paragraphs. My brain is tired, and I'm completely drained. Hopefully I'll get a chance to write something in here while I'm at home. Otherwise I'll write more when I get back!
Anyway, I don't have much else to say in my entry tonight, which I know is shocking since my entries take up many many paragraphs. My brain is tired, and I'm completely drained. Hopefully I'll get a chance to write something in here while I'm at home. Otherwise I'll write more when I get back!
Monday, May 16, 2005
High Anxiety
The first part of the candidacy exam is tomorrow. And I'm really starting to get worried about it, hence the title of today's entry. I don't know if I'm prepared enough for it, or even if I'm studying the right things to be studying. It's hard to determine that, since the exam can cover anything from the four core classes in the meteorology department, plus things you may have picked up along the way, like synoptic meteorology, turbulence, or radar met even. I think I've pretty much stopped studying for the night, though. I figure that whatever I don't know by now, I'm not going to learn in the few hours I have until I go to bed. Plus, I need some downtime tonight to hopefully relax myself enough so that I'll be able to sleep tonight. I think there's a relatively high probability that my sleep tonight won't be all that great. Call it a hunch.
After all, this is the biggest exam I've ever taken in my life. And I've devoted a lot of my energy of the past two weeks to really crack down and study for it. I just hope all the effort I've put in with studying and being a TA for Meteo 422 actually pays off and I at the very least pass one section of the exam. It doesn't help that my outlook on it varies by the hour (if it's even that long). Sometimes I'll feel like there's no way I can pass this thing. Other times I feel like I have half a chance of passing. I don't think I've ever felt incredibly confident, though, which I guess is a good thing. The times I've felt really confident going to an exam, especially in graduate school, ended up with me doing much much worse than I had thought I did. So, going in feeling scared, nervous, maybe even petrified, is probably a good thing.
I'm just hoping that when I get the exam there is at least one question I feel relatively confident I can do a decent job writing up. Preferably three questions, but I'm not going to be too greedy. I just want one that I know enough about to give me a little confidence boost. That, however, may be too much to ask. (I'm a major pessimist, if you haven't been able to tell.)
No matter what, though, after tomorrow, I have to continue studying for the second section of the exam. Isn't that wonderful?! And that, I think, is going to be the harder part for me, unless a lot of the questions focus on cloud physics. Tomorrow's section, dynamics, I have a slightly better grasp on, mainly because of being a TA for it. And I never, ever thought I'd say that, considering that after my first year here, I had just a fingernail's grasp on dynamics because I had a really crappy teacher for GFD. Because of that, I think my grasp on dynamic meteorology was in serious peril.
Cloud physics, however, made me feel a bit better. I actually could do well in that class. That's because Dr. Harrington could actually teach, and the problem sets were incredible in helping us to learn the material, which is what problem sets should do. I think another part of the reason I did well in that class was that I didn't feel like I couldn't go to the professor for help. He was always incredibly willing to help students understand the material.
So, hopefully there will be enough focus on cloud physics on part two of the exam to make me feel like I can make a reasonable attempt at passing that section as well. We'll see what happens on Wednesday.
One part of a conversation I was having this morning did make me feel a bit better about this exam. Someone has said that no matter what happens with the exam, at this point, I'm the most knowledgeable about meteorology that I'll ever be. It's a good thing to feel, I guess, even though I really don't feel that way. I don't feel very confident in myself, which is not highly unusual. But this is how I usually go into tests. I don't feel confident, even after I've taken the test. I think that way I don't get too disappointed when I get the exam back.
Anyway, this test has been consuming my life lately, and thus it's consuming my blog as well.
I'll say one thing, though. After Wednesday, life is going to be so much better! I'll be just vegging out most of the night, and packing to get ready for a nice long vacation. I'm leaving on Thursday afternoon for Uniontown to visit Ingrid and her family (and possibly see the new Star Wars movie). Then I'll leave there Friday afternoon/evening to head to a hotel near the airport in Pittsburgh because I have an early (really early) morning flight home, where I'm going to stay for two whole weeks. The first of those weeks I'm probably not going to be able to do anything more mentally stimulating than watch TV probably, or maybe read a book, but other than that, I'm not doing much of anything. I'm really looking forward to it, especially after this marathon of studying and prepping for the exam.
With that, I think I'm off for the night. I'll hopefully write something in this Wednesday night after the exam is over. I already have the title of the entry in my head, and it will fit the theme I've developed for the past few entries. But, if it doesn't happen, maybe it will while I'm at home. We'll see. For now, I'm going to relax for a bit and let all the information crammed in my head sink in a bit, and hopefully get a good night's sleep. Here's hoping I do well on the exam!!
After all, this is the biggest exam I've ever taken in my life. And I've devoted a lot of my energy of the past two weeks to really crack down and study for it. I just hope all the effort I've put in with studying and being a TA for Meteo 422 actually pays off and I at the very least pass one section of the exam. It doesn't help that my outlook on it varies by the hour (if it's even that long). Sometimes I'll feel like there's no way I can pass this thing. Other times I feel like I have half a chance of passing. I don't think I've ever felt incredibly confident, though, which I guess is a good thing. The times I've felt really confident going to an exam, especially in graduate school, ended up with me doing much much worse than I had thought I did. So, going in feeling scared, nervous, maybe even petrified, is probably a good thing.
I'm just hoping that when I get the exam there is at least one question I feel relatively confident I can do a decent job writing up. Preferably three questions, but I'm not going to be too greedy. I just want one that I know enough about to give me a little confidence boost. That, however, may be too much to ask. (I'm a major pessimist, if you haven't been able to tell.)
No matter what, though, after tomorrow, I have to continue studying for the second section of the exam. Isn't that wonderful?! And that, I think, is going to be the harder part for me, unless a lot of the questions focus on cloud physics. Tomorrow's section, dynamics, I have a slightly better grasp on, mainly because of being a TA for it. And I never, ever thought I'd say that, considering that after my first year here, I had just a fingernail's grasp on dynamics because I had a really crappy teacher for GFD. Because of that, I think my grasp on dynamic meteorology was in serious peril.
Cloud physics, however, made me feel a bit better. I actually could do well in that class. That's because Dr. Harrington could actually teach, and the problem sets were incredible in helping us to learn the material, which is what problem sets should do. I think another part of the reason I did well in that class was that I didn't feel like I couldn't go to the professor for help. He was always incredibly willing to help students understand the material.
So, hopefully there will be enough focus on cloud physics on part two of the exam to make me feel like I can make a reasonable attempt at passing that section as well. We'll see what happens on Wednesday.
One part of a conversation I was having this morning did make me feel a bit better about this exam. Someone has said that no matter what happens with the exam, at this point, I'm the most knowledgeable about meteorology that I'll ever be. It's a good thing to feel, I guess, even though I really don't feel that way. I don't feel very confident in myself, which is not highly unusual. But this is how I usually go into tests. I don't feel confident, even after I've taken the test. I think that way I don't get too disappointed when I get the exam back.
Anyway, this test has been consuming my life lately, and thus it's consuming my blog as well.
I'll say one thing, though. After Wednesday, life is going to be so much better! I'll be just vegging out most of the night, and packing to get ready for a nice long vacation. I'm leaving on Thursday afternoon for Uniontown to visit Ingrid and her family (and possibly see the new Star Wars movie). Then I'll leave there Friday afternoon/evening to head to a hotel near the airport in Pittsburgh because I have an early (really early) morning flight home, where I'm going to stay for two whole weeks. The first of those weeks I'm probably not going to be able to do anything more mentally stimulating than watch TV probably, or maybe read a book, but other than that, I'm not doing much of anything. I'm really looking forward to it, especially after this marathon of studying and prepping for the exam.
With that, I think I'm off for the night. I'll hopefully write something in this Wednesday night after the exam is over. I already have the title of the entry in my head, and it will fit the theme I've developed for the past few entries. But, if it doesn't happen, maybe it will while I'm at home. We'll see. For now, I'm going to relax for a bit and let all the information crammed in my head sink in a bit, and hopefully get a good night's sleep. Here's hoping I do well on the exam!!
Thursday, May 12, 2005
An Early Summer Night's Dream
I was going to post something a couple nights ago, but ran out of time, so here it is today. The studying for the candidacy exam continues on. I lead such an exciting life. I'm starting to get tired of the entire process of studying, but I must persist, mainly because I'm too damn stubborn to quit. I almost think I may have started to study too much. On Monday night I woke up in the middle of the night in a middle of a dream involving all sorts of symbols and terminology from what I was studying. As if that isn't scary enough, everything seemed all jumbled to me when I woke up. Hopefully that's just because it was 4 am and it was just my mind's way of processing information. If not, I may just be screwed for the exam.
On Wednesday, I went out to lunch with Dr. Shirer, the professor I was a TA for. It was really nice, just going out and chatting with him. We struck up a nice rapport during the semester as I was grading everything, and I think I must have impressed him with the amount of work I put into the class. Actually, I think a lot of the students were even impressed with the amount of time I spent working with them and on the grading, and even just going to the lecture. Yes, some of my time was spent being somewhat selfish by going to the lectures to help improve my knowledge of dynamics, but a good part of it was so that I would know what was going on in class to be better able to help the students when they came in with questions from the problem set.
Anyway, I kind of went off on a tangent there. I went to lunch yesterday at Chili's and had a really nice couple hour chat with Dr. Shirer, thankfully about more things than dynamics. We chatted about Europe (he'd spent some time in Germany on a post-doc, I'd been in France as a senior in high school). Then we chatted politics a little bit, mainly ranting about Bush and his anti-science leaning. Overall, it was a nice time, although I was a little disappointed with the food. I ordered chicken crispers, which I had assumed would be like normal chicken fingers with the typical breading on them. At Chili's they were battered kind of like sweet-and-sour chicken from a Chinese place. This normally wouldn't bother me all that much, but the batter was kind of gooey on the inside, so they weren't exactly the greatest. But still it was a nice time.
Then last night I went to play poker with a large number of the meteo grads. There were 14 in total, which is rather impressive. I managed to improve on my showing from last time. I wasn't the first one knocked out! I was actually playing really well, stealing blinds when I could. The cards were also sort of going my way. I was getting some good cards, but overall, they were hardly playable, but I still played them if I was in a blind. I just happened to get lucky on the flop to pair something. I was also playing a bit conservatively. I did notice that on the first hand I put more than the blinds on, I was really nervous because I actually had a hand. And I ended up winning the pot, which significantly calmed me down. I was also getting a lot of small pairs in my hole cards, which are very hard to play. But I managed to use them to my advantage.
I even made the final table last night (8 people) which means I waited out 6 other people. Unfortunately, I was the first one knocked out of the final table. I think I was losing my touch by the time that happened. The largest stack went all in after the flop, and I had two pair, aces from the flop and nines, one was in my hole cards. I decided to call him since I was the only other one left in the pot. I should have folded, but I went against my better judgment and gambled, and he ended up having a third ace in his hole cards. So, I was basically drawing dead. But it's ok. At least I learned something. I learned that I should always follow my instinct. I also learned that I shouldn't go up against the person with the biggest stack of chips unless I have a really good chance of winning. Oh, well. I improved on what I did before, so I'm happy about that. And I'm happy that the little bit of practice I put into party poker the couple nights before helped a bit. It would have been nice to be in the money, but that can be a goal for the future.
Well, I guess that's enough analysis of my last hand of poker. I've been doing enough analyzing since last night anyway.
Unfortunately, my run of luck in poker didn't extend to progressive rummy, which I played with Paul, Terry, and Andrew last night. For that game, I just couldn't catch cards at all. I got caught without being able to lay down my melds twice. But it's ok. I was getting tired by that point anyway. I didn't get to bed until after 1 am this morning. And then I couldn't sleep past 8:30, which is odd, but it suits me.
One more thing to say. The state of the world these days pretty much scares me. What kind of world is it where a man can go into such a rage that he'd kill his own daughter and her friend because his daughter went outside to play even when she was grounded. Some people just should not have kids, or be committed to an asylum. It's just a scary place.
Well, on that depressing note, I'm going to head off and study a bit more. Hopefully it will go reasonably well. At least I did have the nice study break last night to put the exam out of my head for a few hours. Tomorrow's going to be another study break because Andrew's having a graduation cookout and I'll probably go to his first ceremony tomorrow night. So, that will be nice. Then I'll have a studying marathon from Saturday to Monday. Then the exam comes.
OK, that's enough stalling. Time to get my brain in gear. Maybe I'll write another entry tonight. I doubt it, but it could happen.
On Wednesday, I went out to lunch with Dr. Shirer, the professor I was a TA for. It was really nice, just going out and chatting with him. We struck up a nice rapport during the semester as I was grading everything, and I think I must have impressed him with the amount of work I put into the class. Actually, I think a lot of the students were even impressed with the amount of time I spent working with them and on the grading, and even just going to the lecture. Yes, some of my time was spent being somewhat selfish by going to the lectures to help improve my knowledge of dynamics, but a good part of it was so that I would know what was going on in class to be better able to help the students when they came in with questions from the problem set.
Anyway, I kind of went off on a tangent there. I went to lunch yesterday at Chili's and had a really nice couple hour chat with Dr. Shirer, thankfully about more things than dynamics. We chatted about Europe (he'd spent some time in Germany on a post-doc, I'd been in France as a senior in high school). Then we chatted politics a little bit, mainly ranting about Bush and his anti-science leaning. Overall, it was a nice time, although I was a little disappointed with the food. I ordered chicken crispers, which I had assumed would be like normal chicken fingers with the typical breading on them. At Chili's they were battered kind of like sweet-and-sour chicken from a Chinese place. This normally wouldn't bother me all that much, but the batter was kind of gooey on the inside, so they weren't exactly the greatest. But still it was a nice time.
Then last night I went to play poker with a large number of the meteo grads. There were 14 in total, which is rather impressive. I managed to improve on my showing from last time. I wasn't the first one knocked out! I was actually playing really well, stealing blinds when I could. The cards were also sort of going my way. I was getting some good cards, but overall, they were hardly playable, but I still played them if I was in a blind. I just happened to get lucky on the flop to pair something. I was also playing a bit conservatively. I did notice that on the first hand I put more than the blinds on, I was really nervous because I actually had a hand. And I ended up winning the pot, which significantly calmed me down. I was also getting a lot of small pairs in my hole cards, which are very hard to play. But I managed to use them to my advantage.
I even made the final table last night (8 people) which means I waited out 6 other people. Unfortunately, I was the first one knocked out of the final table. I think I was losing my touch by the time that happened. The largest stack went all in after the flop, and I had two pair, aces from the flop and nines, one was in my hole cards. I decided to call him since I was the only other one left in the pot. I should have folded, but I went against my better judgment and gambled, and he ended up having a third ace in his hole cards. So, I was basically drawing dead. But it's ok. At least I learned something. I learned that I should always follow my instinct. I also learned that I shouldn't go up against the person with the biggest stack of chips unless I have a really good chance of winning. Oh, well. I improved on what I did before, so I'm happy about that. And I'm happy that the little bit of practice I put into party poker the couple nights before helped a bit. It would have been nice to be in the money, but that can be a goal for the future.
Well, I guess that's enough analysis of my last hand of poker. I've been doing enough analyzing since last night anyway.
Unfortunately, my run of luck in poker didn't extend to progressive rummy, which I played with Paul, Terry, and Andrew last night. For that game, I just couldn't catch cards at all. I got caught without being able to lay down my melds twice. But it's ok. I was getting tired by that point anyway. I didn't get to bed until after 1 am this morning. And then I couldn't sleep past 8:30, which is odd, but it suits me.
One more thing to say. The state of the world these days pretty much scares me. What kind of world is it where a man can go into such a rage that he'd kill his own daughter and her friend because his daughter went outside to play even when she was grounded. Some people just should not have kids, or be committed to an asylum. It's just a scary place.
Well, on that depressing note, I'm going to head off and study a bit more. Hopefully it will go reasonably well. At least I did have the nice study break last night to put the exam out of my head for a few hours. Tomorrow's going to be another study break because Andrew's having a graduation cookout and I'll probably go to his first ceremony tomorrow night. So, that will be nice. Then I'll have a studying marathon from Saturday to Monday. Then the exam comes.
OK, that's enough stalling. Time to get my brain in gear. Maybe I'll write another entry tonight. I doubt it, but it could happen.
Sunday, May 08, 2005
Sleepless in State College
It's late Sunday night and I'm not sleepy at the moment, so I decided to post at least a little something on here. Day by day I'm starting to get more and more stressed about the candidacy exam coming up. It's a very hard thing studying for a test that could cover just about anything one learns in graduate and undergraduate meteorology. Right now, I'm just trying to stick to conceptual stuff and not get too bogged down in the details. Still, it's quite difficult. And I think it is a tiny bit (I'm actually under-exaggerating here) unfair that questions on the exam can come from undergraduate classes. It specifically states that only material in the four core courses and possibly synoptics and the intro class for graduates will be tested on the exam. Yet, there are some things on it that I know I will not have seen beyond a cursory review in the core courses. But, there's nothing I can really do about that. All I can do is prepare for it the best I can and hope that something sinks in my brain. Learning by osmosis would be incredibly helpful now, but, unfortunately, I've yet to meet someone that that actually worked for.
It has been striking me as interesting (odd, weird) that a lot of the people in our department have been opting to give up and do something else with their life than continue on for their PhD. Okay, so one of these people had a baby. I can understand how that would completely change things for them. It just seems odd that people would go through the hell that is taking the candidacy exam and decide that they didn't want to pursue it further. I can see how minds would get changed and all, but I would just stick it out and then go out and find a job doing something you really liked. Of course, that's the extremely stubborn streak I have in me, so you have to take that into account. At least Terry had the right idea. He realized that he wasn't interested in pursuing this career path before he took the exam.
So, yes, motivation has been a key issue for me, and part of that is this funk that I just can't seem to pull myself out of. Usually I can stick it deep down inside of me for a little while (long enough to get some sort of productive studying out of me), but usually it comes rising back with a venegeance. I definitely think going home after the exam will help loads. At least, I hope it does. I just don't know what to do about it, though. Therapy seems to be helping somewhat, but with the exam coming up, I haven't really had a whole lot of willingness to really work on the major problems of my life. It's mainly just been trying to keep the tiny bit of sanity I have. And even after I finish the exam and no longer having it loom over me like a big dark cloud, I don't know that I'll be able to do real work on my problems. As of now, I don't have the right place in my life to be able to deal with any issues that come up in therapy outside of therapy. I'm always trying to keep up a front with people. And let me tell you, that's very draining.
See, that's the thing, though. One has to be very very strong to put up the front I have to put up. It takes a LOT of effort. Most people don't realize what has gone on in my life to make me the way I am. A good chunk of my energy every day goes into dealing with that. And there are some days where I just don't feel strong enough to be my own pillar of support all the time. I'd love to have someone to be able to rely on, besides my family. I know I can count on them for support, and they can count on me, but like I said in my last entry, support from hundreds of miles away isn't quite the same. I also don't mean just a friend either. While they are nice, and usually very good at being some support, I'd really like someone a bit closer than that. Someone I can physically and mentally lean on when I need it. I'm sure that will come in time. Yet, for some reason, I think that I need to work through my issues before I can actually have a meaningful relationship. Maybe. I could be wrong, but it does seem like a cruel twist of fate to have that happen.
Anyway, I should probably head to bed soon. Even though I'm still not tired, I need to get some sleep so I can get up in the morning and head to campus to study even more. Thrilling, isn't it?!?!
It has been striking me as interesting (odd, weird) that a lot of the people in our department have been opting to give up and do something else with their life than continue on for their PhD. Okay, so one of these people had a baby. I can understand how that would completely change things for them. It just seems odd that people would go through the hell that is taking the candidacy exam and decide that they didn't want to pursue it further. I can see how minds would get changed and all, but I would just stick it out and then go out and find a job doing something you really liked. Of course, that's the extremely stubborn streak I have in me, so you have to take that into account. At least Terry had the right idea. He realized that he wasn't interested in pursuing this career path before he took the exam.
So, yes, motivation has been a key issue for me, and part of that is this funk that I just can't seem to pull myself out of. Usually I can stick it deep down inside of me for a little while (long enough to get some sort of productive studying out of me), but usually it comes rising back with a venegeance. I definitely think going home after the exam will help loads. At least, I hope it does. I just don't know what to do about it, though. Therapy seems to be helping somewhat, but with the exam coming up, I haven't really had a whole lot of willingness to really work on the major problems of my life. It's mainly just been trying to keep the tiny bit of sanity I have. And even after I finish the exam and no longer having it loom over me like a big dark cloud, I don't know that I'll be able to do real work on my problems. As of now, I don't have the right place in my life to be able to deal with any issues that come up in therapy outside of therapy. I'm always trying to keep up a front with people. And let me tell you, that's very draining.
See, that's the thing, though. One has to be very very strong to put up the front I have to put up. It takes a LOT of effort. Most people don't realize what has gone on in my life to make me the way I am. A good chunk of my energy every day goes into dealing with that. And there are some days where I just don't feel strong enough to be my own pillar of support all the time. I'd love to have someone to be able to rely on, besides my family. I know I can count on them for support, and they can count on me, but like I said in my last entry, support from hundreds of miles away isn't quite the same. I also don't mean just a friend either. While they are nice, and usually very good at being some support, I'd really like someone a bit closer than that. Someone I can physically and mentally lean on when I need it. I'm sure that will come in time. Yet, for some reason, I think that I need to work through my issues before I can actually have a meaningful relationship. Maybe. I could be wrong, but it does seem like a cruel twist of fate to have that happen.
Anyway, I should probably head to bed soon. Even though I'm still not tired, I need to get some sleep so I can get up in the morning and head to campus to study even more. Thrilling, isn't it?!?!
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Hectic April
My God, has it been a long time since I've posted an entry!! The end of April was a very hectic month for me, as it is for just about every college or grad student I know of. It was pure craziness. I honestly don't know what happened to the time. Seriously. Looking back on it, it's all a blur. The only thing I really remember is having to grade this enormous stack of papers, which took me about five days to complete. The problems the students had to do had multiple parts and each subsequent part relied on an answer from at least one previous part. So, being the fair grader that I am, I didn't take off points if the students made an error in a previous part, but used it correctly from then on. That means that as I graded each part, I had to go back and track the source of the error. Talk about a pain in the ass! It would have been so much easier if they all did everything correctly, but alas, that did not happen.
I must say, however, that I really did enjoy the whole TA experience this time around. The class was great, very friendly, and for the most part, incredibly willing to put in some time and effort to learn the material. They must have been in the average on the second mid-term was an 87!! That is just unheard of for any exam, much less in dynamics. So, I feel I had a major part in helping the students do that well. They must have also appreciated it too. A couple of the girls knew how much effort I was putting into this class and brought me a batch of chocolate chip cookies and a six-pack of Pepsi. I thought that was incredibly sweet. It made me feel special, which is a rare thing, indeed.
I do remember one other thing from April. Jay came up to visit for Blue & White weekend, since he was in the blue band. It was nice having a member of the "gang" back for a visit. He, Terry and I went out drinking on that Friday night, which was fun. It was really nice to kick back and relax and get a little tipsy for a bit. (It was especially nice because it was in the middle of the aforementioned grading marathon.) I was especially excited because I was actually around for one of his visits. Usually they occur on holidays (when I try to go home or to a friends) or over coincidental breaks (again, I try to go home for these too). But, that's about all I remember about the last half of April.
Lately, I've been kind of going back to depressive mode. It's weird. I had a nice span of days where I felt good (relatively) about myself and felt like things were going to turn out ok. Now, I just have this sense of doom and gloom. Perhaps it's because of the candidacy exam coming up, and this is how I start to stress out about things. I've never had an exam this big before, so I don't really know the proper way to react. Yet, I'm really not sure if that's the only thing that's leading to this latest battle with depression.
I guess part of it is being lonely. Not in the sense of that there's never anyone around, but more in the sense of I don't have someone to love or that loves me. I know that's not true. There are several people out there that do love me, like my mom and sister. However, while their love is great, sometimes it's hard to feel from 750 miles away. I guess I'm just ready to find the one guy that will, and I hate to go all Jerry Maguire on you, "complete me." I have this picture in my head of having someone to sit with on the porch in summer sipping lemonade (probably with some vodka in it) just chatting and being close to one another. Or in winter sitting and cuddling near a fireplace (to satisfy my slightly pyromaniac urges) drinking wine or munching on popcorn or some other snack. Call me a hopeless romantic, but there you go.
However, I'm not sure I'm going to find this guy in State College. At least not in the ways I've been trying. But, I still want to stick around even if I don't pass the candidacy exam. I'm not entirely sure why. Maybe I have this sense that I might find the guy for me if I stick around longer. Who knows? I suppose it could happen.
Well, anyway, I should probably be off for now. I don't think I have much more to say at the moment. Plus, Gilmore Girls is on, and it's distracting me from continuing. Hopefully it won't be as long between entries as it was this time. We'll see how busy I get.
I must say, however, that I really did enjoy the whole TA experience this time around. The class was great, very friendly, and for the most part, incredibly willing to put in some time and effort to learn the material. They must have been in the average on the second mid-term was an 87!! That is just unheard of for any exam, much less in dynamics. So, I feel I had a major part in helping the students do that well. They must have also appreciated it too. A couple of the girls knew how much effort I was putting into this class and brought me a batch of chocolate chip cookies and a six-pack of Pepsi. I thought that was incredibly sweet. It made me feel special, which is a rare thing, indeed.
I do remember one other thing from April. Jay came up to visit for Blue & White weekend, since he was in the blue band. It was nice having a member of the "gang" back for a visit. He, Terry and I went out drinking on that Friday night, which was fun. It was really nice to kick back and relax and get a little tipsy for a bit. (It was especially nice because it was in the middle of the aforementioned grading marathon.) I was especially excited because I was actually around for one of his visits. Usually they occur on holidays (when I try to go home or to a friends) or over coincidental breaks (again, I try to go home for these too). But, that's about all I remember about the last half of April.
Lately, I've been kind of going back to depressive mode. It's weird. I had a nice span of days where I felt good (relatively) about myself and felt like things were going to turn out ok. Now, I just have this sense of doom and gloom. Perhaps it's because of the candidacy exam coming up, and this is how I start to stress out about things. I've never had an exam this big before, so I don't really know the proper way to react. Yet, I'm really not sure if that's the only thing that's leading to this latest battle with depression.
I guess part of it is being lonely. Not in the sense of that there's never anyone around, but more in the sense of I don't have someone to love or that loves me. I know that's not true. There are several people out there that do love me, like my mom and sister. However, while their love is great, sometimes it's hard to feel from 750 miles away. I guess I'm just ready to find the one guy that will, and I hate to go all Jerry Maguire on you, "complete me." I have this picture in my head of having someone to sit with on the porch in summer sipping lemonade (probably with some vodka in it) just chatting and being close to one another. Or in winter sitting and cuddling near a fireplace (to satisfy my slightly pyromaniac urges) drinking wine or munching on popcorn or some other snack. Call me a hopeless romantic, but there you go.
However, I'm not sure I'm going to find this guy in State College. At least not in the ways I've been trying. But, I still want to stick around even if I don't pass the candidacy exam. I'm not entirely sure why. Maybe I have this sense that I might find the guy for me if I stick around longer. Who knows? I suppose it could happen.
Well, anyway, I should probably be off for now. I don't think I have much more to say at the moment. Plus, Gilmore Girls is on, and it's distracting me from continuing. Hopefully it won't be as long between entries as it was this time. We'll see how busy I get.
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