I've actually been in a good mood for most of the day today, which is a really nice change from the way I've been feeling for the past couple months or so. It's been a rather spontaneous change, and actually kind of surprising since I haven't been sleeping all that well this week. So, since my mind has been in a good place recently, I have lots of random thoughts, and will put them in list form for this post.
- It's that time of year when the undergrads are coming back to town and clogging up traffic anywhere near the university. Most of the time I'd find it incredibly annoying, but this year it's not so bad. I think it's because I'm finally not a student, so I don't have to take classes, and thus I can kind of gloat about it to those people who do have to take classes. Plus, having all the undergrads back presents a lot more eye candy in town. Even though today wasn't a particularly good day for it, being cloudy and all, it was still fun to look around.
- Now this may just be me, and I'm not all that fashion conscious, but what is the point of wearing pants if you're going to let them hang halfway down your ass? I just don't get it, especially if one is wearing a belt too. A belt is supposed to hold your pants up. Am I the only one that is bugged by this? I also don't get buying jeans that have holes fashionably put in them. I wouldn't spend large amounts of money on pants like that when I could buy a crappy pair of jeans and tear holes in them myself. But that's just me....
- I've discovered that I really like taking the bus to campus. First it saves me gas money, which is always a good thing. Plus, it's nice to be able to go to and from campus at a somewhat regular schedule. Sure, it takes about a half hour to take the bus from Toftrees to campus, but it's nice not having to drive myself. Plus, I get a little time to read during the day (finished HP6 again yesterday) which is kind of relaxing, although sometimes I get a little nauseous feeling because the bus drivers don't know that they should slow down a bit for sharp turns. But overall, it's a good thing. What was especially nice was that the bus this morning was one of the fancier buses with nice fabric and very cushy seats. I wouldn't mind having that one come by everyday. The only bad thing about taking the bus is that a bus stop isn't exactly convenient from where I live. But it does give me a little exercise during the day, so I can't complain too much.
- I'm seriously considering buying a Bowflex, only because I want to get into better shape. Yes, I could go to one of the various gyms on campus, but they now cost money to get into. Sure, that would probably still be cheaper than getting an actual piece of equipment, but it's much less convenient. Plus, most of the gyms I'd have to wait in line for quite some time before I could even get in, and I just don't have the patience for that. I'm still uncertain if getting equipment is the right thing to do. If anyone has any strong feelings about this, specifically about the Bowflex products, and wants to enlighten me, I'm more than willing to hear comments.
- I've been very tense lately, and I think it's mainly because I'm accepting that I'm no longer a student and have to start looking for a job. The idea of job hunting does not really appeal to me at all. I'd much rather just have a job fall in my lap, but I'm not lucky like some people (coughKarencough). I can really tell that I'm tense though, because I feel like I'm squeezing in on myself. I've even been clenching my jaw a bit more than normal. But, hopefully once I really start the process of looking for a job, it'll get better. If not, I may just have to go get a massage again.
Well, I guess that's about it for now. At least that's all I can think of at the moment, but my mind's been all over the place lately, so there's probably more there, but it's not coming to me right now. It probably doesn't help that my sleep pattern has been quite irregular lately, so my brain is in a fog, but I think this is a long enough entry. So, with that I'll end and pick up again at some other time....
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Escapes
I've been meaning to do a semi-philosophical post for some time now, but never had the energy or time. Well, that's not entirely true. I had time last night, but the site was down so I couldn't do a damn thing. But, today I have time, mainly because I'm waiting for data to process yet again.
So, lately I've been having a rough time coming to work and actually doing work. Who can blame me, though? I've been feeling sucker-punched by the whole candidacy thing basically since I've found out that I didn't pass. It's really hard to want to do productive work when you're feeling like you're useless to the department, which is how I've been feeling lately. I realize that the department doesn't really feel that way, otherwise they wouldn't be keeping me on for an extra six months to help pad my way to finding a job. But, still, it's hard to feel like I'm a worthwhile member of the department.
Last week was a particularly rough week. I truly wanted to be anywhere but State College for most of last week. I just felt like giving up on the whole Penn State thing. I'm completely serious about wanting to be anywhere else, too. It wouldn't have mattered if it were in a different city in PA, a different state, a different country, hell, even the moon. And I guess it isn't too surprising that I'd be in that state of mind finally. It took a while for me to get over the shock and then the denial of everything. Last week I just couldn't take it anymore.
Because of all this, I've been doing a lot of escaping lately. Mainly figuratively, of course. I watch my soaps everyday, which I did before, but lately it's been especially nice to escape into other people's lives and see them have bigger problems than I have.
Besides that I've been doing other things just to keep my mind occupied. The last few weekends when I haven't been visiting with friends I've been playing my Super Nintendo. (I'm really, really old school when it comes to video games.) That's a nice escape, too, because it brings me back to when I was younger and didn't have so much on my plate. I've discovered that it doesn't seem to take as long to beat some of the games as I used to think it did. I beat Super Mario 3 in four hours and Super Mario World in six hours (approximately). Of course, I did both of these without much interruption, which doesn't usually happen. I'll be doing a bit more of this next week while I'm home. I'm bringing it home and my sister and I are going to play a bit, just to have some down time.
I also escape by going to the bookstore or the mall. I like to be around a large mass of people, but not necessarily know anyone where I am. It kind of makes me feel invisible, or at least like I don't have to hide what I'm feeling quite as much. I guess it's easier to be myself when I'm surrounded by strangers. With people I know, I typically feel like I have to pretend to be something that I'm not. What that is I'm not entirely sure, and it varies depending on the people. That's why I've been more antisocial than normal the past week or so.
This weekend, though, I became more social. I went to visit Ingrid in Uniontown, just to get away from State College for a while. It was nice, because I didn't have to make decisions about what to do for the most part, and I could let me guard down a bit. Plus, we went and did stuff, which helped to keep my mind occupied. I think that helped me make a relatively quick upswing in my mood.
Of course, knowing that I'm going on vacation in a couple days is also helping. I'm especially looking forward to this trip home. I usually like getting away, but I think I really deserve it this time. Plus, I've been pretty productive considering everything that's happened lately, so I don't feel too bad about taking a week off.
I guess this wasn't as philosophical as I thought it was going to be, or at least as what I had mapped in my head. Either way, though, I think this is a very good way to celebrate my 100th post. I can't believe that I have that many posts. Time flies when you're incredibly busy I guess.
Anyway, I guess that's all. Now I have to find something else to occupy my mind while I wait for data to process. Happy 100th post to me, and here's to 100 more!
So, lately I've been having a rough time coming to work and actually doing work. Who can blame me, though? I've been feeling sucker-punched by the whole candidacy thing basically since I've found out that I didn't pass. It's really hard to want to do productive work when you're feeling like you're useless to the department, which is how I've been feeling lately. I realize that the department doesn't really feel that way, otherwise they wouldn't be keeping me on for an extra six months to help pad my way to finding a job. But, still, it's hard to feel like I'm a worthwhile member of the department.
Last week was a particularly rough week. I truly wanted to be anywhere but State College for most of last week. I just felt like giving up on the whole Penn State thing. I'm completely serious about wanting to be anywhere else, too. It wouldn't have mattered if it were in a different city in PA, a different state, a different country, hell, even the moon. And I guess it isn't too surprising that I'd be in that state of mind finally. It took a while for me to get over the shock and then the denial of everything. Last week I just couldn't take it anymore.
Because of all this, I've been doing a lot of escaping lately. Mainly figuratively, of course. I watch my soaps everyday, which I did before, but lately it's been especially nice to escape into other people's lives and see them have bigger problems than I have.
Besides that I've been doing other things just to keep my mind occupied. The last few weekends when I haven't been visiting with friends I've been playing my Super Nintendo. (I'm really, really old school when it comes to video games.) That's a nice escape, too, because it brings me back to when I was younger and didn't have so much on my plate. I've discovered that it doesn't seem to take as long to beat some of the games as I used to think it did. I beat Super Mario 3 in four hours and Super Mario World in six hours (approximately). Of course, I did both of these without much interruption, which doesn't usually happen. I'll be doing a bit more of this next week while I'm home. I'm bringing it home and my sister and I are going to play a bit, just to have some down time.
I also escape by going to the bookstore or the mall. I like to be around a large mass of people, but not necessarily know anyone where I am. It kind of makes me feel invisible, or at least like I don't have to hide what I'm feeling quite as much. I guess it's easier to be myself when I'm surrounded by strangers. With people I know, I typically feel like I have to pretend to be something that I'm not. What that is I'm not entirely sure, and it varies depending on the people. That's why I've been more antisocial than normal the past week or so.
This weekend, though, I became more social. I went to visit Ingrid in Uniontown, just to get away from State College for a while. It was nice, because I didn't have to make decisions about what to do for the most part, and I could let me guard down a bit. Plus, we went and did stuff, which helped to keep my mind occupied. I think that helped me make a relatively quick upswing in my mood.
Of course, knowing that I'm going on vacation in a couple days is also helping. I'm especially looking forward to this trip home. I usually like getting away, but I think I really deserve it this time. Plus, I've been pretty productive considering everything that's happened lately, so I don't feel too bad about taking a week off.
I guess this wasn't as philosophical as I thought it was going to be, or at least as what I had mapped in my head. Either way, though, I think this is a very good way to celebrate my 100th post. I can't believe that I have that many posts. Time flies when you're incredibly busy I guess.
Anyway, I guess that's all. Now I have to find something else to occupy my mind while I wait for data to process. Happy 100th post to me, and here's to 100 more!
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