This weekend was homecoming weekend here at Penn State. Unlike previous years, I didn't participate in any of the festivities. Usually I like to go to the parade, just to see what kinds of crappy floats the frats put together. But this year, I just didn't feel like going. Part of it is that it was cold out. Parades aren't that fun if you're freezing your ass off. Another part is that I didn't really want to go alone. Yet another part is that I didn't want to leave my apartment really early just to find a parking spot somewhere on campus, because I knew that wasn't going to be fun at all. The last part is I just didn't feel like being in a large mob of people in various states of drunkenness.
Traffic was even pretty bad yesterday only about two hours before the game. I had thought most people would be making their way to the stadium well before that to tailgate, since this is a big game. However, Atherton St. was incredibly busy even at 1pm. Luckily, though, Giant was pretty empty. In fact, some cashiers were waiting for people to go check out unlike most other times I've gone shopping. It was kind of nice.
Tomorrow is Halloween, and I've been debating if I should dress up or not. I don't think I am because I can't think of a really good costume. I could reuse the one I used a couple years ago and go as Death, or one of the monks from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. The Monty Python idea really appeals to me, but I'm not sure how many people would get it, and having to explain your costume ruins its effect. Then I thought about getting somewhat dressed up and getting some horns and a pitchfork and go as a well-dressed devil, but the the horns that I really liked looked like they would be rather cumbersome to put on. So, that idea is thrown out. My last idea was to get a shaggy white-haired wig and dress up as Tim Conway's old man from the Carol Burnett show, but since I'm about the only person in State College I know who has watched that show, it would again be a costume I'd have to explain. So, I probably will just wear normal clothes to campus tomorrow. Besides, I don't want to be the only person who dresses up in Walker Building.
Daylight saving time occurred early this morning, which is nice in the fall. Getting that extra hour to sleep is always great. I even took advantage of it, instead of staying awake that extra hour. However, it's sad that on most days I'll be leaving campus after it gets dark out. That's just a little depressing.
After numerous phone calls and rearrangements of my schedule for the next month, I've finally worked it out so that my mom and sister can come to visit me in the middle-ish of November. That's exciting, just because I miss them quite a bit. However, the reason they're coming is so they can drive me to Johnstown for tests on the spot on my eye. So, it's sort of a mixed bag of emotions for that to come. These tests are what I was alluding to in my last post. They are to check to see if the thing on my eye is just a mole, or nevus in technical terms, or if it's..... something worse. Yeah, I'm being a bit cryptic, but it's not something I want to post so the world can see until I know for sure what's going on. I'm just glad my family is coming because I need their support most. Plus, I don't know who I'd ask to drive me to Johnstown on a Friday to stay there for 2-4 hours while I get tested. So, it'll be nice to have them here.
In other news, the Packers just lost another game. Yes, I'll still be a Packer fan no matter how badly they do, but it would be nice to see them win more than one game this season. I'm not sure what's going on with them, but they've been declining for a while now. I'm almost glad the tv listing on Yahoo were wrong about the game being shown here. It would have been painful to watch. I really feel bad for Brett, because I know he wants to retire on a high note, but it doesn't look like this season is going to be it for him. Of course, he seems like he could play until he's 50, so he may be around after the Pack rebuilds a bit.
I think that's about it for now. I need to go write out the bills I have for the month and study some more. Then it's tv time because Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy (which looks like it'll be really good tonight) are on.
Happy Halloween a day early in case I don't write anything tomorrow!
Sunday, October 30, 2005
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Make your own kind of music, sing your own special song....
Today was probably one of the most unproductive days I've had at work in a while. I just had no motivation to do anything. It didn't help that I have therapy at 2pm on Wednesdays, so that cuts my day short, unless, of course, I decide to go back to the office after therapy, which some days is necessary. Today wasn't one of them. Then there's the fact that I can't drag myself out of bed before 8am, so I usually don't get to the office until 10am. Now, you might be wondering why it takes two hours to get to campus. Well, first of all, I don't jump right out of bed in the morning. Then I have to eat a little something, shower (which takes a longer time for me than for most guys), get everything together to go to campus. So, I usually leave between 9:15 and 9:30. Then I drive to the BJC and park my car, which takes approximately five minutes total, depending on how quickly I can find a spot. Then I catch a Loop or Link to go to the other end of campus. This part of the trip is usually highly variable. It all depends on how quick the buses come or if they wait, because there's no way in hell I'm running to catch one, and then which one I end up taking, usually a Link because it seems quicker. The ride to wherever I can get dropped off can take 20 minutes depending on how many people are getting on and off at each stop.
So, today I had less time on campus anyway, so I knew productivity wouldn't be high. I didn't think it would be this low, though, either. I did manage to register for a class next semester. It's a modeling course, which should be helpful, or at least practical in case I end up not passing the candidacy exam again. We'll see.
After therapy today I went to Ben & Jerry's. It's become a ritual now, sort of a treat for myself. No matter how rough the session, I go there. Usually I get the same thing, too. A raspberry cream smoothie. Geez, my mouth is watering just thinking about it. Anyway, the point I'm making is that I went in today, and the guy that works there actually remembered what I usually get. So, that was very cool. It's nice to know I make an impression on people.
Therapy was kind of rough today. Lots of things going on in my life. I know they say (and who this "they" are is beyond me) that one should take one day at a time, or at least one thing at a time, but it always seems like the things that go on in my life gang up on me and attack all at once. And today wasn't even talking about my past, which is sordid and juicy and if I changed some names, I could probably write a best-seller. Today was more about the present. I'm not going to go into detail quite yet because I need to find some things out first. (I like to keep anyone that reads this on the edge of their seat.) It's a big, hard, scary thing (I hope no one's mind is in the gutter). I've been doing an incredibly good job of downplaying it to my mom and myself. Almost too good. I even almost convinced myself that it's not a big deal. But during therapy, my emotions got the better of me, and I realized how huge it really is. It's the kind of thing that I need the support of my mom, physically. I know I have it, but it's not the same thing when it's coming from around 750 miles away.
Well, that's quite the cliffhanger for the few of you that read this often. I'll go into more detail in future entries. I won't just leave on the edge of your seat.
In other news, I impressed myself today. I actually started studying for the candidacy exam. Well, sort of, anyway. It's more that I cracked open a notebook and starting jotting stuff down to hopefully keep it in my memory. So, that's a major development. I've started studying about two months earlier than I did last time. Hopefully that's a good sign.
Of course, it didn't last long. I wanted to check in on Lost to make sure it was a repeat. It was, but I still flipped back and forth between that and the World Poker Tour. Today's episode of Lost featured the Mama Cass song again (anyone that watches it should know what I'm talking about). It always gets stuck in my head. So, it'll be there now for several weeks, going on in the background, "Make your own kind of music....."
I think I'm starting to have withdrawals of poker. The meteo department hasn't had a poker night in ages. I'd host one, but even with as large an apartment as I have now, it doesn't really seem big enough to hold two tables of six to eight people. We'll see, though. Maybe one day I will. I've been so eager to play that I signed onto Party Poker this afternoon and played in a couple single table tournaments. The first one I came in 7th on. My downfall in that one was losing to a higher full house. The second one I came in 2nd, so that totally made up for it. The one hand I clearly remember was that I had A/Q in the hole and the flop came A/A/Q. That hardly ever happens for me. I was quite excited. The last tournament I played took a rather long time, too. I think about an hour. Most of the time it was the last four of us, none of which wanted to be fourth because there's no money gained for that. But it was definitely fun.
On that note, I should probably get to sleep soon. It's going on 11:30 and I'm getting sleepy. Plus tomorrow is a slightly busy day, capped off with colloquium, so I should try to be refreshed tomorrow. Otherwise I'll probably fall asleep during the talk, and that wouldn't be a good thing.
So, today I had less time on campus anyway, so I knew productivity wouldn't be high. I didn't think it would be this low, though, either. I did manage to register for a class next semester. It's a modeling course, which should be helpful, or at least practical in case I end up not passing the candidacy exam again. We'll see.
After therapy today I went to Ben & Jerry's. It's become a ritual now, sort of a treat for myself. No matter how rough the session, I go there. Usually I get the same thing, too. A raspberry cream smoothie. Geez, my mouth is watering just thinking about it. Anyway, the point I'm making is that I went in today, and the guy that works there actually remembered what I usually get. So, that was very cool. It's nice to know I make an impression on people.
Therapy was kind of rough today. Lots of things going on in my life. I know they say (and who this "they" are is beyond me) that one should take one day at a time, or at least one thing at a time, but it always seems like the things that go on in my life gang up on me and attack all at once. And today wasn't even talking about my past, which is sordid and juicy and if I changed some names, I could probably write a best-seller. Today was more about the present. I'm not going to go into detail quite yet because I need to find some things out first. (I like to keep anyone that reads this on the edge of their seat.) It's a big, hard, scary thing (I hope no one's mind is in the gutter). I've been doing an incredibly good job of downplaying it to my mom and myself. Almost too good. I even almost convinced myself that it's not a big deal. But during therapy, my emotions got the better of me, and I realized how huge it really is. It's the kind of thing that I need the support of my mom, physically. I know I have it, but it's not the same thing when it's coming from around 750 miles away.
Well, that's quite the cliffhanger for the few of you that read this often. I'll go into more detail in future entries. I won't just leave on the edge of your seat.
In other news, I impressed myself today. I actually started studying for the candidacy exam. Well, sort of, anyway. It's more that I cracked open a notebook and starting jotting stuff down to hopefully keep it in my memory. So, that's a major development. I've started studying about two months earlier than I did last time. Hopefully that's a good sign.
Of course, it didn't last long. I wanted to check in on Lost to make sure it was a repeat. It was, but I still flipped back and forth between that and the World Poker Tour. Today's episode of Lost featured the Mama Cass song again (anyone that watches it should know what I'm talking about). It always gets stuck in my head. So, it'll be there now for several weeks, going on in the background, "Make your own kind of music....."
I think I'm starting to have withdrawals of poker. The meteo department hasn't had a poker night in ages. I'd host one, but even with as large an apartment as I have now, it doesn't really seem big enough to hold two tables of six to eight people. We'll see, though. Maybe one day I will. I've been so eager to play that I signed onto Party Poker this afternoon and played in a couple single table tournaments. The first one I came in 7th on. My downfall in that one was losing to a higher full house. The second one I came in 2nd, so that totally made up for it. The one hand I clearly remember was that I had A/Q in the hole and the flop came A/A/Q. That hardly ever happens for me. I was quite excited. The last tournament I played took a rather long time, too. I think about an hour. Most of the time it was the last four of us, none of which wanted to be fourth because there's no money gained for that. But it was definitely fun.
On that note, I should probably get to sleep soon. It's going on 11:30 and I'm getting sleepy. Plus tomorrow is a slightly busy day, capped off with colloquium, so I should try to be refreshed tomorrow. Otherwise I'll probably fall asleep during the talk, and that wouldn't be a good thing.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
I Wish I Had a Camera...
I usually don't write any posts while I'm at work, but I had to today. Let the record show that today, October 25, 2005, brought State College it's first snowfall of the season. This is the kind of weather I'm used to, having snow before Halloween, being from Wisconsin and all. OK, that's all. I better get back to doing something slightly more productive than this.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Small Update
OK, I know I don't typically post more than once a day, nor more than once an hour, but I had to make an update. I've decided to turn on word verification for comments because just a minute after I posted my last entry, I got a spam comment. Grrrrr. So, for those of you that may comment, it's just a little annoyance for you, but I'd rather have real people comment on my blog.
That's definitely my last gripe for the night. Yeah, I lied in my last entry, but things come up. But, I'm definitely done now, and I'm stepping off the soap box.
That's definitely my last gripe for the night. Yeah, I lied in my last entry, but things come up. But, I'm definitely done now, and I'm stepping off the soap box.
A Minor Improvement
It's been a while since I last posted, mainly because I wanted to wait until I was at least partially out of the major funk I've been in for the past two weeks. Now, I feel like I've risen a bit, emotion-wise. It's a nice feeling to not feel a sense of doom and gloom, and to have some moments of lightness. That is something I've really some to cherish lately.
Part of the reason I think the funk is lifting is that the drugs I'm on from the doctor are finally kicking in. I'm on a muscle relaxant which I take at the onset of a headache and a small dose of an anti-depressant that is also used for tension/migraine headaches. For a while there, I was never sure when to take the muscle relaxant because there was really no "offset" of the headache, and thus there was no onset either. It was just a constant thing. Now, it's finally become a little transient. Either it completely goes away for short periods of time, or it lessens enough so that I can actually feel like not just having my head down all the time.
Another part of the reason I'm feeling a little better is that I'm going to a psychiatrist as well as a therapist. Actually, I haven't started seeing the psychiatrist yet. I don't get to see him until the beginning of November, which is the earliest opening any of the doctors I've called has had. One of them didn't have an opening until next year. Apparently, a lot of people, myself included, need shrinking in State College. So, hopefully once I've found the right anti-depressant, I'll feel even better. This is unusual for me to be optimistic. It's kind of a nice feeling.
The final part of why I think I'm feeling a bit better is that I wrote to my long-time pen pal with basically a novella of why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling. I think it helped to get some stuff off my chest. And, nice that he is, he wrote back to me fairly soon after I sent him the email. It was really great to be able to share everything with someone, even if it wasn't "in person." And he shared back, which was great too. I've yet to write back to him, because I haven't really had the time to write another long-winded email. But I will at some point. That's a promise.
So, anyway, things are slowly looking up for me, which is a good thing after the past couple of weeks, believe me.
Now on Friday, I get to go see an ophthalmologist (an incredibly hard word to spell). The good part of that is that I don't have to be in the office that day. The bad part is just going. The eye doctor has never really been one of my favorite things in the world. The worst part of an eye exam is the puff test for glaucoma. I don't know what sadist came up with that test. I'm just not a big fan of that. And all the drops that get put in my eyes are annoying too. I'm not really good with eye drops at all, but if the person does it right it's not so bad. Anyway, the reason I'm going there is that I have this brown spot on my retina that the optometrist I originally went to wants to get checked out just to make sure it's nothing bad. This means my eyes get dilated, which is so much fun. That means that I should really get someone to drive me to Altoona, but I think that may be hard because most people aren't completely free on Fridays like I am. So, I'll probably end up driving myself. Luckily, though, my friend from undergrad, Ingrid, is coming up to visit me this weekend, so she's going to meet me in Altoona and kill time with me until my eyes are good enough to drive back here. If I can find someone who is free on Friday and doesn't mind just driving me down and going back, that would be great. Then when Ingrid gets there, she can just drive me back to State College. I don't think it's going to work out, and it's not really a big deal either.
On another note, I've finally officially submitted my abstract to the Ocean Science meeting in February 2006. If it gets accepted, I'll be going to Hawaii four months from tomorrow! Writing the abstract was quite difficult, because I don't know exactly how far I'll get with my research at that point. I hope I left it vague enough to cover all my bases. And I really hope it gets accepted to the meeting. It would be so cool to go to Hawaii in February. My advisor even encouraged me to stay there the whole week of the meeting, even if I don't attend sessions every day. It is a rather big trip, so it doesn't pay to rush back. Plus, I'll want to do some sightseeing. Hell, I may not want to come back after experiencing temperatures like that.
Another thing of note. Three weeks from today I turn 26. I always enjoy my birthday. I'm not sure what I'm going to do to celebrate this year. The past couple of years, I've invited people over for dinner, but most of my friends that I usually invited are either gone or I never see them anymore even if they are here. So, we'll see. That's something more I have to think about.
That same day is the next new episode of Lost. I'm not sure why they are taking a couple weeks off from it, but the next new episode should be really good. One of the castaways will die. And since I've become such a spoiler addict, I already know who it is. But I won't say here in case anyone that reads this blog wants to be spoiler free. I also know that the person that dies is killed by another of the castaways. So, it should be an exciting episode. And on my birthday, no less.
Speaking of TV, I have to gripe about one of the shows I watch. Last night on Supernatural, they had an episode dealing with a shapeshifter. Now, usually, I look forward to shapeshifter stories in any form, because it's such an intriguing concept. Imagine being able to be anyone you wanted to be. Doesn't that sound cool? But, I digress. So, I was looking forward to this episode of Supernatural. However, after it, I was left a little disappointed. Some plot points were really stupid. For example, (I'm sorry for those of you that don't watch the show, but I have to gripe) after Sam and Dean figured out that a shapeshifter was assuming forms of people in town and killing their loved ones, they go chasing after it. That's fine. So, the find its lair and discover it there. It goes running off faster than they can get out of its sewer lair. I'm also fine with that. However, once they get out of the sewer, they decide to split up. This is where I'm having a major problem with the plot. First of all, they're chasing a shapeshifter, so splitting up is kind of dumb when the thing they're chasing can look like either one of them and they wouldn't know it. Second, they've been asking us to believe for the run of the series so far that Sam and Dean have had loads of experience with The Things That Go Bump In The Night. So, you'd think that they should know better than this, wouldn't you? That was the main thing I didn't like about the episode, which pretty much ruined it for me. A more minor thing came at the end of the episode. Sam trapped by the shapeshifter in Dean's form. Then of course, Dean comes in and shoots it with a silver bullet and it dies. It would have been more climatic, for me, if the shapeshifter had taken Sam's form so Dean wouldn't know right away who to kill. But, I'm not the writer. I could have done a better job with the plot, though. Just my opinion.
Still on the subject of TV, I've recently discovered that Night Stalker may be on the chopping block. I'm really saddened by that, because it's such a good show. I typically haven't been a huge fan of the spooky type movies, but this show has sort of changed my mind. It's really creepy, but not so much in a gory way. It's more of a psychological creepy. And every week it's getting better. This is why I'm a little disappointed that it could be canceled. Still, in a way, it's not all that surprising. The brilliant people at ABC decide to put it in the same time slot as CSI. If that's not a way to kill a show, I don't know what is. I don't know what time slot they'd have open for it otherwise, but that's not a time slot to put a new show in. Of course, ABC doesn't really have any well-established shows. It does have quite a few new-ish shows that are really popular (all of which I watch), but I don't even think any of those would have a chance in hell against CSI. It will disappoint me if Night Stalker does get canceled. But, there's really nothing I can do about that.
Well, I suppose I should get going for now. It's after 11 now, and I'm getting sleepy. And I've gotten my gripes out for the time being. It's nice to have the energy to gripe about unimportant things. It's definitely a sign I'm out of my major funk, which is most definitely a good thing. And it's a good note to end on, so there you have it.
Part of the reason I think the funk is lifting is that the drugs I'm on from the doctor are finally kicking in. I'm on a muscle relaxant which I take at the onset of a headache and a small dose of an anti-depressant that is also used for tension/migraine headaches. For a while there, I was never sure when to take the muscle relaxant because there was really no "offset" of the headache, and thus there was no onset either. It was just a constant thing. Now, it's finally become a little transient. Either it completely goes away for short periods of time, or it lessens enough so that I can actually feel like not just having my head down all the time.
Another part of the reason I'm feeling a little better is that I'm going to a psychiatrist as well as a therapist. Actually, I haven't started seeing the psychiatrist yet. I don't get to see him until the beginning of November, which is the earliest opening any of the doctors I've called has had. One of them didn't have an opening until next year. Apparently, a lot of people, myself included, need shrinking in State College. So, hopefully once I've found the right anti-depressant, I'll feel even better. This is unusual for me to be optimistic. It's kind of a nice feeling.
The final part of why I think I'm feeling a bit better is that I wrote to my long-time pen pal with basically a novella of why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling. I think it helped to get some stuff off my chest. And, nice that he is, he wrote back to me fairly soon after I sent him the email. It was really great to be able to share everything with someone, even if it wasn't "in person." And he shared back, which was great too. I've yet to write back to him, because I haven't really had the time to write another long-winded email. But I will at some point. That's a promise.
So, anyway, things are slowly looking up for me, which is a good thing after the past couple of weeks, believe me.
Now on Friday, I get to go see an ophthalmologist (an incredibly hard word to spell). The good part of that is that I don't have to be in the office that day. The bad part is just going. The eye doctor has never really been one of my favorite things in the world. The worst part of an eye exam is the puff test for glaucoma. I don't know what sadist came up with that test. I'm just not a big fan of that. And all the drops that get put in my eyes are annoying too. I'm not really good with eye drops at all, but if the person does it right it's not so bad. Anyway, the reason I'm going there is that I have this brown spot on my retina that the optometrist I originally went to wants to get checked out just to make sure it's nothing bad. This means my eyes get dilated, which is so much fun. That means that I should really get someone to drive me to Altoona, but I think that may be hard because most people aren't completely free on Fridays like I am. So, I'll probably end up driving myself. Luckily, though, my friend from undergrad, Ingrid, is coming up to visit me this weekend, so she's going to meet me in Altoona and kill time with me until my eyes are good enough to drive back here. If I can find someone who is free on Friday and doesn't mind just driving me down and going back, that would be great. Then when Ingrid gets there, she can just drive me back to State College. I don't think it's going to work out, and it's not really a big deal either.
On another note, I've finally officially submitted my abstract to the Ocean Science meeting in February 2006. If it gets accepted, I'll be going to Hawaii four months from tomorrow! Writing the abstract was quite difficult, because I don't know exactly how far I'll get with my research at that point. I hope I left it vague enough to cover all my bases. And I really hope it gets accepted to the meeting. It would be so cool to go to Hawaii in February. My advisor even encouraged me to stay there the whole week of the meeting, even if I don't attend sessions every day. It is a rather big trip, so it doesn't pay to rush back. Plus, I'll want to do some sightseeing. Hell, I may not want to come back after experiencing temperatures like that.
Another thing of note. Three weeks from today I turn 26. I always enjoy my birthday. I'm not sure what I'm going to do to celebrate this year. The past couple of years, I've invited people over for dinner, but most of my friends that I usually invited are either gone or I never see them anymore even if they are here. So, we'll see. That's something more I have to think about.
That same day is the next new episode of Lost. I'm not sure why they are taking a couple weeks off from it, but the next new episode should be really good. One of the castaways will die. And since I've become such a spoiler addict, I already know who it is. But I won't say here in case anyone that reads this blog wants to be spoiler free. I also know that the person that dies is killed by another of the castaways. So, it should be an exciting episode. And on my birthday, no less.
Speaking of TV, I have to gripe about one of the shows I watch. Last night on Supernatural, they had an episode dealing with a shapeshifter. Now, usually, I look forward to shapeshifter stories in any form, because it's such an intriguing concept. Imagine being able to be anyone you wanted to be. Doesn't that sound cool? But, I digress. So, I was looking forward to this episode of Supernatural. However, after it, I was left a little disappointed. Some plot points were really stupid. For example, (I'm sorry for those of you that don't watch the show, but I have to gripe) after Sam and Dean figured out that a shapeshifter was assuming forms of people in town and killing their loved ones, they go chasing after it. That's fine. So, the find its lair and discover it there. It goes running off faster than they can get out of its sewer lair. I'm also fine with that. However, once they get out of the sewer, they decide to split up. This is where I'm having a major problem with the plot. First of all, they're chasing a shapeshifter, so splitting up is kind of dumb when the thing they're chasing can look like either one of them and they wouldn't know it. Second, they've been asking us to believe for the run of the series so far that Sam and Dean have had loads of experience with The Things That Go Bump In The Night. So, you'd think that they should know better than this, wouldn't you? That was the main thing I didn't like about the episode, which pretty much ruined it for me. A more minor thing came at the end of the episode. Sam trapped by the shapeshifter in Dean's form. Then of course, Dean comes in and shoots it with a silver bullet and it dies. It would have been more climatic, for me, if the shapeshifter had taken Sam's form so Dean wouldn't know right away who to kill. But, I'm not the writer. I could have done a better job with the plot, though. Just my opinion.
Still on the subject of TV, I've recently discovered that Night Stalker may be on the chopping block. I'm really saddened by that, because it's such a good show. I typically haven't been a huge fan of the spooky type movies, but this show has sort of changed my mind. It's really creepy, but not so much in a gory way. It's more of a psychological creepy. And every week it's getting better. This is why I'm a little disappointed that it could be canceled. Still, in a way, it's not all that surprising. The brilliant people at ABC decide to put it in the same time slot as CSI. If that's not a way to kill a show, I don't know what is. I don't know what time slot they'd have open for it otherwise, but that's not a time slot to put a new show in. Of course, ABC doesn't really have any well-established shows. It does have quite a few new-ish shows that are really popular (all of which I watch), but I don't even think any of those would have a chance in hell against CSI. It will disappoint me if Night Stalker does get canceled. But, there's really nothing I can do about that.
Well, I suppose I should get going for now. It's after 11 now, and I'm getting sleepy. And I've gotten my gripes out for the time being. It's nice to have the energy to gripe about unimportant things. It's definitely a sign I'm out of my major funk, which is most definitely a good thing. And it's a good note to end on, so there you have it.
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Untitled entry
There was no poker tonight, so since I have a little time, I decided to write an entry in here. I don't exactly have a plan on what to put in this entry this time, so I'm just winging it.
I've been in one of my more down periods lately, especially this week. All week I've had the hardest time even wanting to get out of bed in the morning. I'm not sure if it's because I haven't been sleeping well or what. It doesn't help that I have had this damn tension headache for ages now. I think it might be affecting my sleep in some way that I can't quite understand. The only time my head feels somewhat good is when I'm sleeping. But maybe it's just because I'm unconscious and don't notice it as much. I just don't know. I'm going back to the doctor on Friday to see what he says now. I'm really not sure if anything more can be done. I'm just petrified that it's something more than just a tension headache. But we'll see what happens.
Therapy today was interesting. I've been mentioning the constant headaches to Kim for the past several sessions now, and she brought up the idea of seeing a psychiatrist and getting me on some meds. When I first started therapy, I wasn't sure that would be such a great idea. OK, that's not exactly true. I didn't think I needed to be on medication when I first started therapy. But now, my opinion has changed a bit. I figure that all it can do is help. I'm ready to do just about anything to make myself feel better both physically and mentally. With the candidacy exam still looming over me and keeping up with research and classes on the school side, to working through my own personal demons from the past in therapy, lots of thing are ganging up on me, which is probably why I'm so tense and get these headaches.
Besides that, nothing is new in my life. I get up, go to campus, attempt to do something productive, come home, eat, relax, and go to bed. Such an exciting life I have, don't I? And I guess that's it for this entry. Not much to it this time, but that's because I'm a little sleepy, and I can't think of anything more to write.
I've been in one of my more down periods lately, especially this week. All week I've had the hardest time even wanting to get out of bed in the morning. I'm not sure if it's because I haven't been sleeping well or what. It doesn't help that I have had this damn tension headache for ages now. I think it might be affecting my sleep in some way that I can't quite understand. The only time my head feels somewhat good is when I'm sleeping. But maybe it's just because I'm unconscious and don't notice it as much. I just don't know. I'm going back to the doctor on Friday to see what he says now. I'm really not sure if anything more can be done. I'm just petrified that it's something more than just a tension headache. But we'll see what happens.
Therapy today was interesting. I've been mentioning the constant headaches to Kim for the past several sessions now, and she brought up the idea of seeing a psychiatrist and getting me on some meds. When I first started therapy, I wasn't sure that would be such a great idea. OK, that's not exactly true. I didn't think I needed to be on medication when I first started therapy. But now, my opinion has changed a bit. I figure that all it can do is help. I'm ready to do just about anything to make myself feel better both physically and mentally. With the candidacy exam still looming over me and keeping up with research and classes on the school side, to working through my own personal demons from the past in therapy, lots of thing are ganging up on me, which is probably why I'm so tense and get these headaches.
Besides that, nothing is new in my life. I get up, go to campus, attempt to do something productive, come home, eat, relax, and go to bed. Such an exciting life I have, don't I? And I guess that's it for this entry. Not much to it this time, but that's because I'm a little sleepy, and I can't think of anything more to write.
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