Kind of just some linear stream of consciousness stuff

This week has been less than spectacular for me. All week long I've felt like I've been dragging, or more accurately, I've felt like I was on autopilot, just kind of watching as I went through life. It's a very weird feeling, almost like an out-of-body experience.

I've been thinking a lot recently, which is almost never a good thing. I guess that tends to happen when one is in therapy. I almost always end up leaving my therapist's office with more things to consider about my own life, which, I suppose, isn't terribly unusual. There are lots of things in my past that have to worked out, and I think I've only just barely scratched the surface. And then there are things on TV that I watch that make me think as well.

This brings me to a certain topic I've been thinking quite a bit about. On the soap I watch, they have a storyline about someone being in an physically abusive relationship. Now, in my opinion, if I were in an abusive relationship, not that I'd want to be, but if I were, I'd almost rather be in a physically abusive relationship because then some sort of mark is left. In a verbally or mentally abusive relationship, one has no proof that any abuse has occurred. Then once someone realizes what is going on, it's a matter of who believes either person. Some might wonder why I would be thinking about something like this, but trust me, there's a reason. There I go being cryptic.

Another thought stemming from a TV show. I was watching a repeat of Desperate Housewives and at the very end, there was a voiceover of Mary Alice (if you don't watch the show, you'll probably have no idea what I'm talking about) talking about trust, and how when someone has it, it's great, but once trust is lost, it's nearly impossible to regain. That is very, very true. Believe me, there has been some instances in my life where I had lost all trust in someone, and to this day, I still have no trust in them. And that in itself is very sad, but there's nothing I can do about it.

You can really tell what kind of mood I'm in each day when I write in this blog. Sometimes I think that I'm bipolar or something. Just looking at the various entries, it often seems like some days I'm up, and other I'm down. Unfortunately, it seems biased toward being down, but again, there's nothing I can do about that.

Well, I suppose that is about enough for tonight. I haven't decided what I'm going to do for the rest of the night. I'll either watch a movie, or do a little light reading. Or perhaps I'll just surf the net until I go to bed. So, with that, I'm off for the night.