Long Time Coming

My, it's been a while since I've been able to write something in this. I've been incredibly busy with grading stuff for the class I TA for. So this weekend is actually free for me. It's a nice feeling, although I've forgotten what it's like to be bored. I'm glad I know how to keep myself occupied. Lately it's been a necessity to keep my mind occupied. It's just been quite the week for me. Actually it's been quite the past couple of weeks.

But I'd rather not get into that now, because that would just open a can of worms that I've been struggling to keep closed lately. It has caused me to think a lot lately. Especially now that I'm going to therapy. Some breakthroughs have been made, but not nearly enough. I know it's going to be a long time before I actually feel like a happy, mentally healthy human being. I wish it would come a lot faster, but I can't really do anything about that, now can I?

At least lately I've come to a conclusion about the future that I think will help a lot. No matter what happens with the candidacy exam, things are going to change with me. Things have to change, otherwise I may go completely insane. Not that I'm not already, but I'm more of a nice insane. Who knows what will happen otherwise?

I'm also getting really tired of helping people out and getting nothing from them in return. I've given advice, talked people through things, and other various things, but never does anyone ask me if I need to talk. And every time I try to talk to most people about anything other than small talk, anything personal about me, the conversation gets tweaked just enough so that I'm not as big a part of the conversation anymore. I mean, I'm not the kind of person to go out seeking someone to talk to, but once in a while it would be nice if someone would just let me talk about myself and things that are troubling me and just listen. But I think that may just be asking for too much. I just realized how sad it is that I feel it's too much to ask for friends to listen to me.

Well, enough of me rambling on and sounding like a pity party. I think I'm off to start reading the Order of the Phoenix, since I lent the Goblet of Fire to Terry so he has something to do at work. Maybe I'll write more tonight, and hopefully I won't be such a sad sack anymore.